Kylie Peruzzi's Dandelife : The story of Kylie's life

Drunkard

Kylie Peruzzi — Mon Sep 29 19:55:21 UTC 2008

Friday night i got well and truely drunkard. So drunkard that i can barely piece together the night and keep having random flashbacks, so drunkard that all i wanted to do was dance when i know fullwell that i can not dance, so drunkard people were asking "whats up with Kylie..." See firstly i hate clubbing, i hate the music, i hate the people (yes i know thats a generalisation,) i hate getting home, i hate wasting money, i hate hangovers...you get the idea...but on the night that was Friday i absolutely loved it...crazy what 3 shots of sambucca, 3 double vodkas, a vs, and 2 cans of red bull will do to you but as much as i hate to admit it ...i had a good night at mercy! I also survived the whole night in heels (well i walked home bare footed but that doesnt count!) working with shoes has given me a new addiction which is an expensive hobby...but theres worse things i could spend my money on!

I have also decided not to be so argumentative with a certain person. I need to be a lover not a hater...or a fighter...whichever expression sounds better. I need to practise the old techniques from high school ...count to ten, think of the reprocussions of my actions, walk away from the situation etc etc...the thing is once i get wound up i forget all that....have to try remember it though!!!

Its like half 8 and i really want to go to bed...whats that all about?! Tomorrow is my day off though :D Yay for days off, should be going to get my hair done by my sis at college...i dont need my hair done..but she needs to complete assessments...so what can ya do?! Should then be meeting one of my number one homies...so its all good :D

Better go find something to do that doesnt involve sleeping this early...it is the one tree hill season finale...(which iv already seen!)

xxx

Bad habits wont go away!

Kylie Peruzzi — Thu Sep 25 17:14:17 UTC 2008

My previous blog...fed up, can be put down to the fact i am female and there are certain times during the month i seem to have no control over how i feel but hey ho...what can ya do!

Its so frustrating that no matter how hard i try some of my bad habits just wont go away. This became apparent to me mid argument at work the other day, the argument was over something rediculous (a piece of paper that got stuck to my shoe and i pulled it off and threw it on the floor!) and got dragged out of all proportion...why?! Because i am argumentitive and wont let things drop..as is the person i was arguing with! Even years on from high school when i had a mentor who gave me tips to calm my temper, there are times when that stroppy teenager within gets the better of me...and the same as back then i didnt have time to count to ten or remove myself from the situation i just started shouting like a crazed loonatic ...but its all done with now, and once again i ended up apologising for my stupid behavior...and rightly so! Its just so frustrating that i cant seem to get rid of my temper, i would never physically hit someone but i just get so mouthy sometimes and always have to have the last word...maybe that just me!!!

Tomorrow is pay day, and i am going out clubbing...which to be fair isnt one of my favourite hobbies. Though i have built it up in my head to be so hideous that it cant be anywhere near as bad as i think it will be. My issues with clubbing are that i hate the music, i hate the drunken idiots, i hate wasting money on alchohol but i hate going out sober, i hate being tired the next day...basicaly i hate most things about it...but we shall see what happens, it could be amazing!!!

Mr Iraq is back in like a month now :D

I need to go eat right about now...

Peace Out
xxx

Fed up

Kylie Peruzzi — Fri Sep 19 18:31:28 UTC 2008

Today i am fed up. (and i ate a dodgy prawn sadwich at lunch and now dont feel right...anyhoo i digress) I have been told previously that i suffer with that seasonal effective thing...i thought i was just grumpy in winter...but that may well be the same thing! The main causes for my fed-up-ness (yeh i know that isnt a real word) are...
* I would love to move out cause i want my own space BUT i know full well that right now i can not afford it....
* I am feeling a bit lonely and sorry for myself...
* The whole absent Dad stuff...which is pretty much on going
* I dont really have anything to look forward too
SO basically i am just stuck in a rut...dont get me wrong, i am happy with life right now...but i just need to do something. My conclusions of these issues were that i am going to try and book a holiday for between now and December (providing me holiday buddie reappears cause i havent spoken to her for like a month!) I need to decorate my room or do something with it so i can have my own space...cause at the moment we all congregate in the living room, and i know my room is mouldy and feezing in the winter so i kind of need to do something with it now! So yeh room sortage and a holiday solve a couple of the problems!

The whole absent father thing has been going on for like 6 years now and is kind of pointless and stupid...It doesnt bother me too much now i just worry that one day it will!

As for the lonely bit....wait and see what happens i guess...

I think i might be just having an off day...and the prawn sandwich didnt help, my room needs to be fixed within the next week thought...would be nice to have my own space...

I am also hideously tired right now so going to go chillax

Much Love

xxx

"better myself"

Kylie Peruzzi — Thu Sep 18 10:39:00 UTC 2008

I passed my probation at work...goodtimes for me. Its so weird that my whole life i tried to avoid routine and working fulltime and that was actually all i needed to be happy, though it does help i have met some awesome people too :D I went to college to "better myself" i was driven by the need to be better, to get a better life for myself...but that wasnt what i wanted deep down at all. I may not be on the highest wage in the world but that doesnt bother me cause im happy and at the end of the day lifes too short not to be!

Last night i had a nice row with a "friend" to be fair i knew she wasnt a friend anyways. They say friendship never ends, and i believe that true friendship doesnt. Those friends you dont see that much but know theyre always there when you need them, the friend you bump in to after not seeing each other for years and it feels like you were never apart...thats what true friendship is. I guess if a friendship does end then it was never really a true friendship to begin with. There was a time when i would fall apart at the thought of falling out with someone, but now i am in a place where i realise its not the end of the world...its just life, people come and go, thats just the way it is, its the people that stick around that really matter! What other people think of me now isnt as important as it used to be, because i am happy with the person i am!

Things are still good with me really :D Thats been what like...three months now?! Trying to decide what to do for the works crimbo event...it sounds pretty awesome at present!

Best go get myself ready for work....its a customer evening tonight so i am working til 9, starting at half 12 rocks though, i got lots of sleep :D

Much Love

xxx

Amazing or heartbreaking

Kylie Peruzzi — Tue Sep 09 21:30:23 UTC 2008

I have always written whether it be stories, poetry, or a diary but recently i have just gotten slack. This is partly because im content, its difficult for me to write when i have nothing negitive to write about. Life has finally settled down, and in a way i have writers block when this is the case, but i am determined to write again because i just want to be able to remember...there are so many things we feel and so many things that happen which i will just forget.

It occured to me today (not for the first time i must add) that everyone is going through different things, these could be life changing or they could mean the world at the time but in the big scheme of things mean nothing. They could be amazing, or heartbreaking, whatever is happening makes us who we are, everything that happens shapes us and helps us grow. It also amazes me that although no one knows what others are going through they try and relate, whether that is to judge them or to try and help them forget everything for a few moments...we all try and understand other peoples lives. Its so difficult when people we love are going though things because there is literally nothing we can do, or if someone is on a destructive path and the only person who can stop the destruction is them. Im never going to stop trying to understand things but at the same time i really want to stop judging people...because its easier to judge when you arent emotionally involved, or you have nothing to lose...but when you are that person whos heart is breaking and who has everything to lose its a lot more difficut to make a decision or make a change.

Something else that amazes me when i look around is that we are all in different stages in our lives...people the same age as me are doing such different things. Some are engaged and booking churches for their weddings, some are parents, some are at uni, some party hard...we all take different paths and live different lives, but we all try to find common ground so we can relate to one another. One thing that never stops amazing me...is when in the whole world we find people that we truely care about, that we get on with and that we share so much with, not just relationships but friendships...we form bonds with people so quickly, some people we just click with and others take more time...families we are born in to so in many ways we dont choose them, but friendships...wel they never stop amazing me, and the minute they stop amazing me is the minute i am taking people for granted as far as i am concerned.

On a more personal note, life is still plodding along nicely..! Still getting nice facebook message off a certain person :D Met up with an old college friend the other day which went a lot better than i actually expected, so much has happened in the past sometimes its hard to let it go...but on this occassion it wasnt.

Enough from me for now
xxx

xxx

Bank Holiday Rain

Kylie Peruzzi — Sun Aug 24 10:04:29 UTC 2008

Its bank holiday weekend and my mum has gone off to Spain this morning...lucky her, the weather here is rainy (and thats puting it nicely because it is absolutely chucking it down!) and i have two days off work, so i think a dvd -athon is in order! Sinse she went (2 and a half hours ago!) i have already thought of numberous questions such as....what day do the bin men come, how much food does the dog have, and what time does her flight get in next week....soooooooooooooooooo many questions! But i dont want to look like an idiot so il just put the bins out when everyone else does, if the dog looks hungry il give it more food and il just have to wait and see when she gets home. I have also remembered its her birthday next Sunday (the day she gets back!) and i have no money and no idea what she wants....dammit, and i dont get paid til Friday giving me her actual birthday to get her a present and for all i know her flight could mean shes here in the morning!

Last night i had a little too much wine after work (as usual!) I then bumped in to my sisters friend in the city and invited her round for a house party (which we are so not having!) Dear oh dear...i bet it will be one of those house parties that end up in the newspapers with police hellicopters flying over and stuff...so for the record...i am not having a house party!

This is like the most relaxing morning ever, watched some x factor, chilled out with my dog....goodtimes :o) Its gone 11 and my sister stil isnt up...lazy cow!!!

Ooooo last weekened was V festival which was amazing, thankfully the weather was not like it is now! Music was good...company was generally good, and its good to just get away...however i did spend too much money but hey ho!

Works still good....still facebooking Iraq man lots...i cant complain really! I decided yesterday life would be pretty boring if nothing ever happened....

So yeh...off to my dvdathon!

I do keep blogging by the way just this sh*t never saves it :o(

xxx

"love sick and friend sick"

Kylie Peruzzi — Fri Aug 08 20:15:07 UTC 2008

So another blog...theyre like busses, i dont write one for ages then two come along at the same time...maybe its because im not feeling so cheerful, and i dont really know why! I have been diagnosed as being "love sick and friend sick" which may be partly true...the guy i am in to has gone to Iraq and the girlie i spend most of my time after work with has been on holiday for two weeks and gets back on Tuesday, so i havent been doing so much. However..its not like i havent had offers, i have...i just literally cant be bothered to do anything at all...there are certain people i want to see lots of and then other people i just cant face,not in a horrible way...like i hate them or anything but just...i dunno, i cant explain it without sounding mean!

I am also eating tonnes of junk food...today i went to Tesco and purchased - two packs of chocolate fingers (they were bogof,) some snowballs, and some pink and whites. I have also eaten chips with beans, cheese and bbq sauce and a magnum since getting home from work! Is this what being love sick and friend sick feels like..?
If so...then maybe i am!

I am also really struggling to write a letter to Iraq guy...letters are nice, romantic almost...people can keep them forever, and you can write loads of things you wouldnt say in other forms of communication...which may be what scares me! Its like whatever i say goes down on record forever...its like...really permanent...but at the same time...i know its a nice thing to do and i realy need to write one soon *cause they take ages to get there* so i guess im just going to have to pull my head out of my arse and get on with it...guess its the old worrying about what other people think of me thing again!

Guess i just need to focus on the fact my drinking buddie gets back next week, then i go to V festival...so really its all good in the hood. Maybe i should write a letter when i get back from V so it gives me something interesting to say?!

Well tomorrow is another day...
And i need t go because the laptop is damn hot on my lap...

xxx

Most unlike me...

Kylie Peruzzi — Wed Aug 06 12:05:50 UTC 2008

I have been neglecting my blogging duties, there was a time when i would blog every day or at least a few times a week. But that was a time i would rather forget, a time when i was unhappy and didnt really know who i was, a time which i believe has changed me for the better but at the same time i would rather not think about so much. Which is why, on a whim one day i decided to delete all my blog entries about that time...words can easily be deleted but i guess the memories cant be deleted so easily.

However in saying all that, i am now in a place where things are good. Life finally has a routine, a structure. I have people around me that dont think im an idiot and im not acting like an idiot anymore, i used to treat life like every day was a stage...play up to people and to situations, but not so much anymore. I guess i am finally settling down, im not saying that i want to work in a shop forever, or live at home...im not saying that i want things to stay like this forever, i am just saying that at present this is pretty much where i want and need to be.

I havent blogged for so long its hard to remember what has happened between then and now, so i will start with the most recent events.

The last month or so has been good, im still partying but not excessively. My mate from work also set me up with a guy (when your single thats what happens!) To begin with i wasnt too keen...i dont know why...probably the fact that someone else had found him and i hadnt. So we were getting on really well, spent a really good evening together but now he has gone...to Iraq for four months...i have promised i will be single when he gets back...which is most unlike me...but just have to wait and see what happens i guess.

Well September is looming...the month i decided i would stop smoking...when i originally said it it was months away, but now its less than a month away it looks like i am actually going to have to do it...krazy shit!!! I also need to stop eating so much shit and do a bit of exercise so think i may dedicate September to that.

Today i made a big step....i always used to have a friends wall, which had loads of pictures and shizz on it...well with all the college drama it was getting ripped down and put up every other day and it hasnt been up for months now...Well today i put it back up - new pictures, obviously...but its back up...hopefully it wont be getting ripped down anytime soon :O)

Its also nearly V festival which makes me happy :o)

Thats enough of an update for now me thinks...

xxx

"Your gonna get c

Kylie Peruzzi — Tue Jul 08 20:48:27 UTC 2008

So i have been neglecting blog writing...its not that i have been doing anything better. Well all i have been doing is returning to my old habits of going out and getting drunk, and i has made me realise that going out and getting drunk three times in a week is not really where i want to be right now.
Yeh its all good fun, going out, acting the fool, talking to random people...but something at the back of my mind just niggles away constantly asking what the point is.

I mean on the one hand life is good, i have a job, a family, friends....im not ill, or depressed or anything...but on the other hand life is so boring and repeititive...i just want something else, i cant put my finger on what...i want to feel everything. I am such an all or nothing person....all this monotiny just isnt floating my boat!!!

At the moment i seem to be becoming more and more aware that i have never been in love and i just want a guy....not a random snog or someone i dont really like...someone i am totaly in to and someone totaly in to me..! I feel like a freak sometimes - im 21 and have never had a serious relationship...whats that all about?!

Sooo....
When i was walking to work yesterday trying to light my cigerette out of no where a man just announces - "your going to get cancer you are!" Thats all you need on a monday morning when youve just had to stand up on a bus filled with tourists talking loudly..! So right now i am totaly off smoking....well thanks to that man and the fact i have smoked excessively over the last week!

I also cant stop eating and sleeping...whatevers wrong with me?!?!?

Must scoot...
And continue my search for the one :P *in a non desperate way!*

perfect life

Kylie Peruzzi — Fri Jun 27 19:26:24 UTC 2008

Today i wished away another day of my short and precious life, i do not want to work in a shop forever. Not because its boring, or because it think i am better than that but just because i want something else. I was bored on lunch today and as i was sat in Castle Gardens thinking how beautiful the view actually was at this point in time (with the sun shining, various clouds scattered around the blue sky, the castle adding a touch of history and people relaxing on the grass.) I started to wonder what my perfect life would be like, if i look forward say five years...what is it that i have, if i had everything i wanted?! What would actually make me happy? I admit it, i am a dreamer, i go through life dreaming about the possibilities...i never stick at anything and then complain about the situation i am in. Basically i always thought that by the time i got to 21 i would have it all worked out, i would be in a great relationship, i would still be at college, i wouldnt have lost lots of my friends...things would just be different, but things need to be steered in the right direction and thats where i have been going wrong, the problem being that i dont know where i am steering them. So i am sat in castle gardens at around 1.30 this afternoon drinking a can of red bull and smoking a marlboro light when i start to wonder what it is i really want...here is what i came up with when imaging my perfect life five years from now...
I want a boyfriend but not just any old boyfriend but the boyfriend, i dont see the point in wasting my time with someone who isnt my first, my last, my everything...or however the song goes!
I want a job that i love, during the short time i gave myself to think about what it is i want to do i decided on a teacher or a writer of some kind, i love writing.
I want to be moved out, i love my family to pieces but some independence would be nice and not relying on other people. So yeh...some swanky apartment would be nice, then when i get older and have babies i can move in the the countryside...though that probably means i should learn how to drive.
I want my friends to stick around, i have lost too many people over the past...well the past 21 years, i dont intend on losing anymore.
So thats pretty much what i came up with...it all sounds pretty good to me...just got to work out how to get there. I am looking in to courses and stuff for next year, just going to take some mental time out now to decide what it truely is that i want.

Anyways i am chronically tired so going to have a bath and put my pjs on!

pass us by

Kylie Peruzzi — Thu Jun 26 20:14:23 UTC 2008

It is beginning to disturb me how quickly life can just pass us by, i mean i am constantly looking at the clock counting down to some other event, never just fully taking in the event that is happening at that very moment. It always about something else whether that be a past event or something thats going to happen or even something that will never happen, why are we never really satisfied with what is?!

I am also starting to think i am going to be single forever, but whats wrong in thinking its pointless to waste my time with people that arent the one?! People that dont make my heart skip a beat, people i dont want to wake up next to every morning for the rest of my life?! My theory is that there is no point...maybe i expect too much but maybe theres nothing wrong in wanting the best...wanting the real deal.

I have set a date to stop smoking (she types not fully believing it herself yet!) that date is...the 1st september, this date has been selected cause...smoking in the winter is rubbish...yup my reasoning is as technical is that!

I literally cried my eyes out at hollyoaks tonight...why oh why did it have to be so sad...why did max have to die?! *sob sob!*

Anyways i am chronically tired...and i thought tomorrow was saturday and its actually friday which has made me a bit sad....

I am going to try not to dream days away i have concluded!

inspired and lazy

Kylie Peruzzi — Tue Jun 24 15:02:51 UTC 2008

Today i woke up feeling inspired...inspired and pretty lazy. I had one of those dreams last night where you wake up and think its actually happened....i also tried really hard to remember it but by the time i actualy woke up had pretty much forgotten about it all i know is that my grandad was in it which is pretty strange, yet kind of nice at the same time!

Today i have done nothig chilled out in my bed al morning dozing in and out of sleep, eating chocoate, checking my facebook ...the usual. I crawled out of bed just in time to watch loose women, did some washing had a bath, got dressed, washed up, made my lunch, dried my hair, read in the garden and now here i am! I had forgotten how good i actually am at doing nothing, havent done nothing for ages and i have missed it. Im one of those people that ave to have some timeout every now and again otherwise they go insane.

I really feel like writing today but still have writers block, i havent written in forever, and i do really miss it, in my brain i have loads i want to write but i just cant seem to be able to put it down...its really frustrating!!!

Work is stil going good, v tickets are booked so i now have something to look forward to, i am once again single but overal i guess life is okay in a way its nice for things to be stable for once but on the other hand i do kinda miss al the drama :P

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again.

Kylie Peruzzi — Wed Jun 04 20:00:41 UTC 2008

I cant help but think i was a little hasty in thinking that I would never blog again. I just got back from seeing Sex and the City and have come over all Carrie Bradshaw and feel the urge to write oncemore...i just need to blog, its like an addiction :P

(Oh and sex and the city was truely amazing i loved it so much i may well have to go again!!!)

I guess i thought by deleting all my blogs and things it was like erasing the past, but that was a bit silly. I dont want or need to erase things that have happened because i wouldnt be where i was now if they hadnt have done, i would be a completely different person in a completely different place....as a quote i read the other day goes...

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

I like that quote and believe it to be true, i am in a good place now and thats whats important. In face life is so good at the moment i am actually a little scared. Its wrong that like many people i sit around waiting for something to go wrong when everything seems right. We always expect something bad to happen, or want something we dont have, we never just stop and enjoy what we have at that moment in time. When do we ever really taste what we eat, or stop and take in our surroundings, listen to music ... like really listen to it?! i do worry sometimes that i spend most of my life in a daze and never really appreciate just how amazing things are.

So this week i started my new job, it seems to be going pretty well, so far so good anyway. Although its still retail its different from anything I have ever done before, and as much as i hate to say it i am really enjoying it.

I know its early days with me and Ben but thats going really well too, we just have great fun together and thats what its all about right?! The other day we went to Yarmouth ... and well i didnt know Yarmouth could even be fun but it most definately was :o)

I dont want to wait for something bad to happen or dwell on the past, i am determined to just enjoy the present and be as prepared for the future as i can be.