Stephanie (16) Is Pregnant − 1 September, 2006

This is a story that every parent, or soon to be step-parent doesn't want to hear happen to themselves. Many people pass judgement:on others until it happens to them. Luckily, I've never had to tell my parents that I got a girl pregnant.

Our suspicions started when Stephanie started throwing up in mid-August after breakfast for an entire week. We jokingly said, "Steph, are you pregnant?" and she'd reply, "You gotta do something to get pregnant!"

Meanwhile, we knew Stephanie had been sexually active and did our best to honestly teach her how to protect herself. The denying didn't stop us from thinking it. No teenager is going to honestly say, "Yeah, I had sex" to their parents.

On this friday night, we were talking on the deck about Stephanie and the possiblity of her being pregnant. She walks out and asks to go to a movie and we let her. When she returned, we were still outside. We looked at her belly which is always exposed with her halfshirts and noticed it looked bigger.

Chris and I had been flirting with asking her about it directly. Chris even asked her when she had her last period and she responded, "Hmm, I'm not sure." I decided that we needed to specifically ask her. I called her outside right then and she sat down with us.

I asked her, "When was your last period?"
She said, "I'm not sure."
"What month?"
"End of June, I guess"
"Chris asked, "So you're pregnant?"
"Probably"
I asked, "Have you taken a test?"
"Yeah"
"And it said you were?"
"Yeah"

My heart sunk, because I knew Chris did not want either of her daughters learning this lesson the hard way. She wanted to teach them the lessons she learned. I knew Chris' heart was wrenching too but she was holding it together like a champion. We then asked her who the father was, and all the other neccessary questions. We explained to her all that is neccessary to raise a child and, in soo many words, that now was the time to start acting unselfishly and think about what is most important for the baby. When we got done talking, she was walking away and I called her back and hugged her. I whispered in her ear, "I love you, you're not alone okay?" She cried and went inside.

Chris and I retreated to our bathroom and she cried like a baby in my arms for about an hour. We had so many discussions over that weekend and subsequent days that we both would stare into space for minutes and when we asked each other what we were thinking, we were both thinking about Stephanie.

Unfortunately, we only had the weekend to talk to her, she went to her dad's house. When she finally got the courage up to tell him, he simply said, "Well, If you keep it, you can live here full time and I'll help when you need a babysitter."

Now, he only said this so that she would tell Chris and he knew it would hurt her. When Chris and I had a chance to talk to her I told her, "You know, just because we told you how hard it would be if you kept it, doesn't mean we wouldn't want you here and that we wouldn't help you out." She acknowledged that and thought for a few days and she now wants to live here full-time.

I think she understands that her mother and I can help her an insane amount more than her father. He has a hard time making sure the boys change their clothes the entire time they stay at his house. (Seriously, we send the boys to their dads' and they come back the next week wearing the same shit.)

The father is 17 and afraid to tell his parents. Boys are lucky that they don't start showing. We gave him a timeline to tell his folks or we would. He's being a punk. He's arguing with Stephanie and he needs friends as mediators and even asked if one of his female friends could go to the doctors appointment in his place. I keep telling Chris to tell him to "Man Up." If he's man enough to have sex with her, he should be man enough to tell his parents that he's "got live rounds." Oh, and this is not the first girl he's knocked up. The first had a miscarriage. Obviously, kids never learn from close calls.

We've come full circle now, she wants to keep the baby. We spoke to her school, which has a great support system for pregnant teens and she will be able to miss only 6 weeks of school for maternity (which at that time, she'll be tutored at home).

Suprisingly, and it's weird talking like this about a 16 year old but, we really feel that she's going to be a great mom. She's eating fruits and veggies now instead of just pizza and Ramen noodles. She's trying really hard to be optimistic and thinking about what's important for the baby. She also seems ready to handle all of the judgemental idiots at school. We all know teenagers can be very cruel.

The only real issue here is that Chris and I will need to move our wedding date. We don't want to miss the moment of her labor and we don't want her to be uncomfortable while in the wedding party. We'll see...

Hopefully, we'll have a healthy baby here in April. Two years ago, I was a single guy in New York with no one to love or love me back. Now you can call me Grandpa. :)

Tags: Teen Pregnancy, Big Surprise, Grandpa, Denial

Posted on September 14, 2006. and has been viewed 1190 times.

Comments:

kga245 (September 14, 2006. 08:37pm)

Brian - you sound like a really good g-pa. Your handling of the situation is encouraging. Good on ya.

HMC (September 19, 2006. 06:35pm)

I feel for Stephanie. I had the unfortunate situation of telling my parents that I was pregnant and it was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do - and I was 24! Sounds like you and Chris are handling this exceptionally well and I applaud you for it.