first *memory*  − 1 July, 1965

i remember being a baby and i was outside. it was warm and sunny. there was a woman squatting down on the sidewalk with her arms wide open smiling at me. i was sitting down. clumsily i pushed my body up. i had a difficult time balancing but i was able to stand up on my wobbly legs. slowly. carefully. i started walking towards her. with each step i was closer to her. she started to clap. an adrenaline rush. i felt more confident. feeling happy. i wanted to move faster. i wanted to run towards her. my steps became more urgent. i was almost in her arms. losing balance. my head began swaying. trying to make my legs move faster. my mind kept telling my legs move faster. balance yourself. you're almost there. then it happens. i lose my footing. my head feels heavy. i fall over. hitting my head on the pavement. i never made it into her arms. i started crying. bawling. not so much from the pain of landing on my forehead but the frustration i felt. unable to balance my body. unable to have control my legs. unable to run. into the smiling woman's arms.