Sentience − 31 March, 1985
It was some time right around now that I literally woke up one day and discovered that I was alive and aware, both of myself and other people. I felt like less of a piece of the world's scenery and much more like an active player. I didn't have to accept the actions or lack of emotion from my father; I didn't have to accept the taunting from my step-brothers; I didn't have to be a silent automaton at all.
Instead, I could speak up, make my feelings known, and create new things, new changes. I could turn left instead of right and see the outcome. My actions could cause reactions from others. The things that I did and thought and felt actually made a difference somehow.
It was both scary and wonderfully, mercifully astonishing.
Has anyone else had this experience? Or is it the sole perspective of an egoist?
Instead, I could speak up, make my feelings known, and create new things, new changes. I could turn left instead of right and see the outcome. My actions could cause reactions from others. The things that I did and thought and felt actually made a difference somehow.
It was both scary and wonderfully, mercifully astonishing.
Has anyone else had this experience? Or is it the sole perspective of an egoist?
Comments:
kga245 (January 7, 2007. 02:59am)
I had this experience once. I was working at a shelter for runaways and noticed some garbage on the lawn. Just a small gum wrapper. I picked it up. That simple act made me realize that I was making a difference. In social work, the emotional impact you have takes so long to realize. Picking up litter on the other hand is an instant change for the better. To this day, I still have an urge to pick up litter wherever I go. Sometimes that urge is impractical though. :-(