Awakenings − 24 January, 2007
This has been a masterful couple of weeks. I don't know quite how to even get into it as a matter of fact.
I guess the best way is to divide it into sections...
Mental
I've been seeing a therapist lately. That brings all kinds of weird oogy things to mind for me. I've always lied and scraped my way through on this with the past ones. This time I went in and was completely honest. His first assessment with me was "Wow. There's alot of mess here! Where do you want to begin?" I'm having insane financial issues. I said.
Nothing there. I guess that wasn't the right answer. Take a look at this ink blot and tell me what you see. Dollar signs falling out of my wallet... Tee hee!! Not really. I actually let things run their course.
I remember sitting in rehab talking to the "Gunny" there. I was a Lieutenant. he put a stool in the center of the group.
Who is on that Stool Lt?
"Heh. My Dad." I said.
"What would you say to him right now?"
"Gunny, you can't give me that order to say that.."
That was where I was almost 6 years ago.
This time.
"I want you to write a letter to your Dad."
Ok.
And man did I write...
Open the flood gates.
then I wrote another where I reciognized all the good that he did. I have to admit that I felt like some kind of old as dirt teenager in full blown Angst.
I gave him the letter reciognizing the good that he has done, and it was so cool. I felt like I actually got that acceptance from him that I wanted. More like took it from him, but it was there all the same. Got no real reaction from him in preceptable terms, but that wasn't what I was looking for. I had to admit to myself that he had attempted something through the years. It worked.
That opened all the other doors, and I began this journey to accepting me.
That was a month ago, and I've hit an all time high in my life because of it. I was and am Amazed. I have to say here that there is an amazing Spiritual place that I have found and that leads me to the next part...
Spiritual.
I know and accept God. You don't have to, and I don't want to push Him on you, just know that if you are hurting, there is something that has worked for me. UNFAILINGLY. worked for me.
Social
I've found something that I can really call mine as a result of all that other stuff happening. I've found that all of you are just as messed up as I am. I'm not below you, I'm not worse off than you. In essence I am not unique, but I am pretty damn cool.
It's been amazing, and all along the way I've had little sign posts guiding me to it all.
I guess the best way is to divide it into sections...
Mental
I've been seeing a therapist lately. That brings all kinds of weird oogy things to mind for me. I've always lied and scraped my way through on this with the past ones. This time I went in and was completely honest. His first assessment with me was "Wow. There's alot of mess here! Where do you want to begin?" I'm having insane financial issues. I said.
Nothing there. I guess that wasn't the right answer. Take a look at this ink blot and tell me what you see. Dollar signs falling out of my wallet... Tee hee!! Not really. I actually let things run their course.
I remember sitting in rehab talking to the "Gunny" there. I was a Lieutenant. he put a stool in the center of the group.
Who is on that Stool Lt?
"Heh. My Dad." I said.
"What would you say to him right now?"
"Gunny, you can't give me that order to say that.."
That was where I was almost 6 years ago.
This time.
"I want you to write a letter to your Dad."
Ok.
And man did I write...
Open the flood gates.
then I wrote another where I reciognized all the good that he did. I have to admit that I felt like some kind of old as dirt teenager in full blown Angst.
I gave him the letter reciognizing the good that he has done, and it was so cool. I felt like I actually got that acceptance from him that I wanted. More like took it from him, but it was there all the same. Got no real reaction from him in preceptable terms, but that wasn't what I was looking for. I had to admit to myself that he had attempted something through the years. It worked.
That opened all the other doors, and I began this journey to accepting me.
That was a month ago, and I've hit an all time high in my life because of it. I was and am Amazed. I have to say here that there is an amazing Spiritual place that I have found and that leads me to the next part...
Spiritual.
I know and accept God. You don't have to, and I don't want to push Him on you, just know that if you are hurting, there is something that has worked for me. UNFAILINGLY. worked for me.
Social
I've found something that I can really call mine as a result of all that other stuff happening. I've found that all of you are just as messed up as I am. I'm not below you, I'm not worse off than you. In essence I am not unique, but I am pretty damn cool.
It's been amazing, and all along the way I've had little sign posts guiding me to it all.
Comments:
kga245 (January 24, 2007. 04:37pm)
Joe - I know what help writing can be. Truly appreciate you sharing your feelings here. Good on you for therapy, too. Keep up the good work!