How i try to balance my life and the rules to giving people grief. − 25 January, 2007
Everybody has a different philosophy on life and their life in particular here is how i view my life.
it's broken up in to different field or areas these areas are:
Professional: this includes work and work only. not the people at work. just my position, it's jeopardy, the jobs i'm working on, and their progress.
Social: basically, any friends I have, and possible love interests.
Family: since i have moved out of my parents care this is simply: my girlfriend. (this could also be renamed to Love)
Hobby: it's any music work I do. and the associate circle.(other musicians i know and can work with)
-and-
Monetary: what my bank account is at. or what my networth is at.
so basically i feel that if anyone of these fields are in good standing i can be happy. simple to the point. faulty... It's very faulty because of a few major things. if you notice love interest and girlfriend mean the same thing and effect two seperate fields, social and family. so the fact that i do not have a girlfriend or any love interest at the current moment kills those two fields. second, i don't seem to make friends quickly. i have i believe [long pause] mayb one or two friends in the area. the downside is that one of them is touch and go and affected majorly by his friend field(girlfriend) and can't always pull himsef away to be the friend that sometimes i need him to be. the other one is Lauren who i have mentioned in previous posts. well a couple of problems with her is. since she is going through a divorce being seen one on one with a guy can be considered adultry if there was to be a picture taken, she also has a bad habit of not telling people what they want to hear. and telling them what she wants to say. this is all well and good. but sometimes you just need to tell someone what they want to hear to make them feel better. so both of these keep her from being the friend I need her to be. well recently as time has gone on in my new position. my work is piling up and not going as smoothly. thus, degridading my professional circle. and a i gig i have had scheduled seemed for the longest time it was going to be cancelled, destroying the hobby field. and i've been in debt for for about a year now. which isn't that long and i know it. and i'm working on it. but everyone hates to look at their finances and to see a Huge Red Number.
so with all that was just said to describe what has been going on in my life. i digress to the past few years of my work. i have a situation where people will make snide comments to me prior than a normal and albeit formality type of greeting, in fact many times the snide comment is my greeting. and these comments stem from people who i don't normally talk to. which makes it even more annoying. they see me exchange insults back and forth with people day in and day out. but in these circumstances the person I am giving grief with and i have already exchanged greetings and asked how each other is doing. (this process is called talking shit)
i believe there are certain rules to "talking shit": 1) you must be on good standing with the person before giving them shit. 2) you must exchange greetings with the person, prior to giving them shit. this provides two things. a) gives you a gauge on how the person is feeling, so you know that what you say is going to be taken in the way you meant it. b) establishes a friendly contact thus providing rule #1. 3) if you take it too far. you acknowledge this fact and apologize. 4) you don't make comments that can be taken seriously
well a coworker of mine blatantly disregards these rules. she picks on me for everything from not putting a tomatoe on a sandwich i made for her off the cuff for lunch one day to how i dress. i believe the list covers these:
1) how the way i stand makes me look gay (this isn't nice to say to someone who isn't in fact gay)
2) leaving tomatoes off of a sandwich that i made. (i offered to make sandwiches for lunch, never got a thank you)
3) (the following time) only putting one tomato on the sandwich
4) giving me shit for returning to help someone with work(because i am in a different department now)
5) how i dress makes me look gay(see #1)
6) how "Dirty" my place is ( i had already stated that i had been cleaning for the entire week)
7) etc.
well none of this would be bad if she would at least make an effort to show that she is not just going to pick on m, and that she cares or that she would at least check to make sure i wasn't having a bad day. but when the first thing you hear from someone is a negative statement, it gets old really fast. and today has been a long three weeks, and i invited my two coworkers to eat lunch in the conference room, and when i walked in all i heard was "about time you made it" and i know she was joking. but i would have much rather heard an encouraging word. like hi, how are you. so i just turned around and left. and after that and after i refused to come back and deal with it. she was insulting to me, and offended because i was "taking everything out on her", and it wasn't fair. eventually i was poked and proded by lauren to apologize, and i apologized for a lot of things. for being mean, for over reacting, for for taking out other things on other people, for giving people shit. and the list goes on. and when it comes down to it. she apologized for saying something that made me be mean to her. this of course made me even worse off. i was supposed to go to happy hour with these people on friday, i cancelled with my friend Lauren who got upset with me because i cancelled on her. and everyone is cancelling plans with her. and since i was upset with her for making me be the bigger person and it didn't work out. i didn't want to hear it. and since she knew how unhappy i was, because she has heard all of the issues for the past couple of weeks. i didn't feel like getting guilt tripped into going. and i have been taking serious consideratioin into not going to the ski trip we had planned for the end of february.
so i am curious... does anyone agree with me? or am i completely in the wrong? is it wrong of me to be tired of being the one who has to take it. for having to be the first person to give an apology, and pretty much not get an apology back. for having to explain on def ears the rules to giving shit to people. is it wrong of me to be upset? even when none of the circles of my life are in good standing?
Comments:
edunn (February 15, 2007. 01:09am)
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