So, is tomorrow going to be ok? − 20 February, 2007
I know many people can relate to this.
More often then not, and its an awful feeling.
The fear of what may happen tomorrow, be it the first day of school, a major surgery, a plane ride, the anticipation of a test, a major presentation, etc.
You know what I am talking about.
That feeling in the bottom of your stomach that keeps you from eating, and burns your esophagus, because of a worry, fear, or stress.
It becomes unimaginable, that you begin to sweat, some people would just like to throw themselves off a cliff (metaphorically speaking), your nerves don't function properly, your words crack, your mind drifts.
The nerves shutting down is what scares me. I have had it happen to people close to me, and they have ended up in the hospital as well because of it.
Something I fear the most.
For me, stress compiles and I hold it back a lot, and I may mention it here and there, write a blog about it here or there, and just keep moving. I know this is sounding repetitive but hang in there for a sec.
This past week and weekend gives me much inspiration to write this. I literally drilled myself down this week, and became overwhelmed with a million things to do, and it is still knocking me out. Some things happened that were expected, some weren't, and although they say expect the unexpected, it doesn't help if that unexpected comes from the mouth from a client really pushing your buttons.
Thats not really the worst of it, but it was also Valentine's. I didn't get to totally do everything I wanted for Piseth, and although I probably shouldn't be writing this hear, you know me, total honesty.
Money is always a problem, and I even have people needing me to help them also. Oh I wish I could help the world, but you can read my other blogs for that one, I won't waste your time here with it.
I think my email box overflowed this week, insane inquiries from clients that I am working with, trying to really push deadlines up, or ask for unfathomable updates. All this and with trying to worry about school. So tough.
If anyone knows if hard work is supposed to pay off, please let me know. It is a bit discouraging when you bust ass constantly and constantly, and you seem to do this 360 degree revolution, and end up right where you started.
Screaming is not an option at the moment, as I may wake people up, and I am sure they neighbors probably wouldn't appreciate it either, even though I don't care about them too much because of all the garbage noise they make.
Give up? An option, and I don't mean give up in life, but perhaps just setting aside what I am currently doing and looking for something else to do with my life since I am nearing 28 years of age, and not much to show for it.
Anyone else know someone who speaks candidly like this? I know I am supposed to be ultra professional about things, but sorry, this is beating me down too much, and yes this is part number....well I dont' remember because I lost count but, hey who knows. Maybe someone will lend me some inspiration. Something to look forward to, and to know that even though I got a ton of things going on that are completely pulling my hair out at this point, hopefully someone can remind me tomorrow willl be fine, and things will get better. I want them too or I wouldn't keep working hard everyday, although seeing Piseth smile is always a great reason.
And please post nothing lame.
Comments:
pepero (February 20, 2007. 05:43pm)
i know life can be tough and throw curve balls every once in a while but in the end it just makes you stronger. your story reminds me of an episode from my own life when i was in college, working and i found out my favorite uncle was dying of terminal cancer. every night after work i would go visit my uncle at 8:30p. i wouldn't get home till 10:30p. then i would go for a hour run to just clear my mind. then i'd do homework. then i'd get up at 6 in the morning to get ready for school. then go to work. then go visit my uncle and start the cycle again. i learned to function on minimal sleep. i was always on automatic pilot but i'm glad i was always there for my uncle.
akoni (February 20, 2007. 11:40pm)
Definitely, the line of 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger' is something I totally believe in. Now if I can get my stomach to believe it to.
pepero (February 28, 2007. 09:04pm)
if you focus on positive thoughts they become a *self-fulfilling* prophecy. just like when you surround yourself with peeps with *good* energy, you feel great. i'm sure you feel that way when your around piseth. :-)