I think my doggy is weeping for my dead kitty (today I chose to have my cat euthanized) − 24 February, 2007

Poor Baxter. Bax is my shitzu. He and my kitty, Harley, have been roommates for nearly 4 years. About 70% of the time, they would ignor one another, but for the rest of the time, they played together as much as a little dog and a large cat can stand to do.

Last night, my Harley suddenly started showing symptoms of the feline leukemia virus he has been harboring for the past 8 years of his life. I recognized them since I saw them in his brother nearly 7 years ago when Harley's brother died of the same nasty virus.

I slept on the couch so that Harley could more easily sleep with me if he felt like it. This is a cat who wanted to touch me constantly. He was a lap cat. He was my baby. When he and his brother, Knucklehead, came to live with us, they were only about 5 weeks old. I slept with them on the couch, cradled together on my chest for weeks. Knuck outgrew this by the time he passed when he was a little over a year old, but Har never did.

We rushed him to the vet this morning. His anemia (which has always been present due to the Feline Leukemia virus) was progressing, and his kidneys and liver were failing. My vet suggested a few medical options, but I smelled death and suffering on my kitty. He looked at me with the same eyes his brother had when I had to euthanize him years ago.

My vet asked if I wanted to stay for the procedure, and I chose to stay for the first bit, which was to anesthetize him. I let him fall asleep on my chest for the last time before I let him go forever.

I miss you already, Har-Har.

Love you always,

Your mama.