Regret Not  − 7 July, 2006

Three weeks ago, my mother told me that my lone surviving grandmother's health had deteriorated to the point of needing Hospice care in a nursing home. My wife and I had consistently traveled from our San Diego home to Connecticut to see Henrietta every six months, not knowing if we'd get another chance.

So now we faced a dilemma; do we go back to see her now, or wait for the inevitable funeral? Thank God my wife chose the former. We broke out our credit cards, booked last minute fares, and headed for the East Coast.

My wife and I spent four hours with my grandmother in the span of three days. She was lucid, but tired easily and was in a great deal of pain. Henrietta suffers from a wealth of ailments, including arthritis, angina, colon cancer and osteoperosis. Nevertheless, we spent those precious moments cracking jokes, discussing the weather, talking nonsense and holding hands. When needed, we also took Henrietta by wheelchair (her only mode of transportation nowadays) outside to smoke a cigarette (and sip Gordon's gin from a flask hidden away from the help staff if she was up for it). On occasion, we also held her head as she vomitted up dinner or her most recent dose of pain medication.

On the day we headed back to San Diego, my wife and I stopped by to spend what I knew was to be our last visit with my grandmother on this Earth. As I kissed Henrietta goodbye, having stayed long enough to now be late for the airport, her tired eyes looked back at me, reaching into my soul as if to say "I know, dear -- and I love you too." I held my emotions in check long enough to step outside the nursing home, and broke down completely upon reaching our rental car in the parking lot.

My emotions overflowed in all directions simultaneoulsy. But the most dominent feeling I had were those of renewed energy and love the likes of which I have never quite encountered before. I used to wait to say my goodbyes to family members at wakes and funerals, but never again. If the remote opportunity exists while your loved ones are still alove - my advice to one and all is do whatever you have to do to make it happen!

Regrets and Love do live forever - make sure you love more than you regret.

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