Best Man's Speech @ Mike's Wedding − 19 May, 2001

Ladies and Gentlemen, first of all, I’d like to thank Mike, on behalf of the bridesmaids, for his kind words. I'm just glad that's the only thing I have to do on behalf of the bridesmaids - that dress didn't fit me anyway.

It's good to see that this occasion is being captured on video today. Of course, these days, camcorders have stereo sound. So you’ll be able to sit back and watch the video of Mike and Karen in glorious stereo. And, because it’s in stereo, if you turn up the left-hand speaker, all you’ll hear is Mike, and if you turn up the right-hand speaker, all you’ll hear is Mike.

Now, someone once told me that being Best Man was like making love to the Queen Mother - it's a great honour, but you're not really sure you want to do it.

Having embarrassed myself by saying that, I'm not going to go on and tell some embarrassing story about Mike (or ‘Trunky’ as he’s known in certain night clubs in Bournemouth). After all, it's his big day, and I wouldn't want to spoil it.

So, unfortunately, I won't be telling you about where Mike got chewing gum stuck at the Donnington Rock Festival, or indeed, what exactly it was he doing in Gordon’s spare bed that made it snap in half (the bed that is).

Instead, I’ll share with you a wedding-related story that says a lot about Mike and his own special brand of humour:

Now, if you can cast your minds back to the summer of 1990 - New Order were top of the charts with ‘World in Motion’, some bloke called Saddam Hussein was getting ready to invade Kuwait, and Mike had a full head of long, lustrous hair.

Now, some of you may have trouble remembering Mike with a full head of hair - and those that didn't know him then, may have trouble believing it. So, to help you, we’ve scoured the barber shops and plug-holes of Salisbury, and found enough of Mike’s old hair to recreate that look. So, in the best tradition of Blue Peter… Here’s one we made earlier. Gordon, if you could do the honours…

[Gordon produces the wig and places it on Mike's head]

So, now that we are back in 1990 – I shall begin the story:

It was a hot Saturday in June, and our good friends Dean and Jayne were due to be married in Cardiff. My good lady, Nicky, and myself decided to stay in a hotel the night before the wedding to avoid any delays in the morning.

However, Mike decided to drive up that morning and arranged to meet us at the hotel at ten o’clock. At half past nine, we were still getting ready in our hotel room, when we got a phone call from reception. At the other end of the phone, a hotel receptionist, with a very camp voice, calmly informed us that there was a bomb alert in the hotel, and we should leave our room immediately and come down to reception.

So Nicky and I stopped getting ready, left the room half-dressed and made our way as quick as we could down the corridor. The funny thing was, we were passing other hotel guests and cleaners going in the opposite direction, and they were fully dressed, and didn't seem to be worried or in too much of a hurry.

We were just walking towards the lifts, when the doors opened and who should come tumbling out of the lift laughing and pointing?

Yes, you’ve guessed it - it was Mike. For once in his life, he’d turned up somewhere early. He was the camp receptionist, and very convincing he was too – it's no wonder he got a job in communications.

By the way, talking of jobs, when Mike was a kid he wanted to be a pilot. He could probably get a job now with Receding Airlines.

As you can see, Mike likes a laugh and a joke - we all do. Well, we have to; we’re his friends. But Mike’s real gift is to spread that sense of fun to anyone who has the pleasure to know him. He is always so determined to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves – whether they like it or not. In fact, he will bend over backwards – as anyone on his stag night will tell you.

So then, if I could ask you to kindly raise your glasses and drink a toast to the life and soul of any party, and of course, the brave woman who’s taken him on – Ladies and Gentlemen, Mike and Karen.

Posted on May 28, 2007. and has been viewed 2410 times.