Bathroom Poetry  − 1 October, 1993

Not even an institution of higher learning can escape the written prose of toilet humorists.  I suppose bathroom poetry (aka vandalism) will occur anywhere there is a public/shared toilet.  What is it about sitting on the throne that inspires the poet in us?

This particular bit of creative writing came to my attention the Fall of my Junior (2nd Class or 2-Degree for you Zoomies) year at the Air Force Academy.  In the men's restroom, fifth floor, south end of Fairchild Hall, I discovered it.  It was on the wall of the toilet stall in the corner (yes, I actually remember that much detail).  It read:

    I've fucked in the snow,
    I've fucked in the rain,
    I've even fucked while in great pain;
    But I'll never be happy,
    I'll never be free,
    'Til I've fucked USAFA
    Like USAFA fucked me.

Now, this really wasn't -- and isn't -- my attitude about USAFA; but that was one of the funniest damn things I'd read.  I figured it should have been hailed as a contemporary masterpiece.  Anyone else think it's funny?  No?  Maybe it's a cadet or military thing.  Maybe it's just the f-word -- makes me giggle like a school girl.

Alas, it has most likely been painted over by now.

I am sure everyone can rest much easier now that you know your tax dollars are being spent at USAFA for the education of budding poet/humorists.  (The unknown author is now probably a B-52 pilot or a General.)

Incidentally, my first encounter with bathroom poetry occurred when I was quite young (7-9 years old).  We were at a cousin's wedding reception in a Knights of Columbus hall.  On the bathroom wall was this gem:

    Here I sit
    On the pooper
    Giving birth
    To another State Trooper.

(Apologies to all State Troopers!)

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