I'm still Not Laughing... − 12 May, 2007
Although i write this two months after it happened, I am still not laughing. The day that it happened, i wished i would laugh by now.
I have this amazing, peculiar attitude towards bad shit that happens in life. I say, well if it happens now, i'll know better later. That's usually a good attitude. But how long do i have to wait?
I still love him.
He broke up with me on this day, over the fucking internet.
That, i laugh at.
What really happened is not laughable.
I decided to be blunt so i questioned him curiously,
"Are you happy with me?"
which he responded over AIM "You make me happy but".
And went into his confessions.
I cried that night, and was red as hell for my mother tried to comfort me.
I was more embarassed at the fact that i'd fallen in love.
And that weekend was hell, pure hell. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and couldn't converse with people like usual.
By the time i've gotten used to that status, i knew it wasn't over, and i knew my next goal was to try and convince him that there is nothing better out there. But i can't blame him, i can't hate him for not loving me. Stuff like that happens. He ain't feelin' it. And it's nto right of me to push it.
But you can't blame ME either, for he STILL to this day, in july, continues to tease me with quirks that make me think otherwise. Gifts from europe, several 'i miss your kisses and your skin and your touch'. Leaves me confused as hell.
I'm sure, years from now i'll be laughing.
But now is now. Present stands still.
I wish i twould speed up. I"m sick of rotting in love with this man.
I have this amazing, peculiar attitude towards bad shit that happens in life. I say, well if it happens now, i'll know better later. That's usually a good attitude. But how long do i have to wait?
I still love him.
He broke up with me on this day, over the fucking internet.
That, i laugh at.
What really happened is not laughable.
I decided to be blunt so i questioned him curiously,
"Are you happy with me?"
which he responded over AIM "You make me happy but".
And went into his confessions.
I cried that night, and was red as hell for my mother tried to comfort me.
I was more embarassed at the fact that i'd fallen in love.
And that weekend was hell, pure hell. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and couldn't converse with people like usual.
By the time i've gotten used to that status, i knew it wasn't over, and i knew my next goal was to try and convince him that there is nothing better out there. But i can't blame him, i can't hate him for not loving me. Stuff like that happens. He ain't feelin' it. And it's nto right of me to push it.
But you can't blame ME either, for he STILL to this day, in july, continues to tease me with quirks that make me think otherwise. Gifts from europe, several 'i miss your kisses and your skin and your touch'. Leaves me confused as hell.
I'm sure, years from now i'll be laughing.
But now is now. Present stands still.
I wish i twould speed up. I"m sick of rotting in love with this man.
Comments:
tomaswk (July 22, 2007. 02:22pm)
At first I was going to say you need to move on past this guy since he cared enough to break up with you over the Internet. But then the last part of your story made me think otherwise. I am not sure now. Love is the greatest mystery of life. Annie and I went through a tough start together and she helped me realize a lot about myself and stuck with it and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
kga245 (July 22, 2007. 04:14pm)
@Tom - I think trial an error is essential to healthy relationships. Steph and I have our moments, too, were there's an impasse. But you know you have a good thing when that's the exception to the rule. In my previous life with a previous wife, it seemed our differences and inabilities to get past those differences caused the relationship to be more hurtful than loving. I always told myself that I would never compare Steph to my first wife - because I didn't want Steph to feel anchored to my past either - but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't rejoice at how wonderfully simple good love can be. Easy, good love is a blessing. Though it's really never easy, it just seems that way.
kga245 (July 22, 2007. 04:15pm)
@Ana - if I were the religious type, I'd send a prayer your way, so take this virtual *hug* instead, OK?
defragmybrain (July 22, 2007. 07:11pm)
Thanks so much for the responses. I appreciate it.
tomaswk (July 22, 2007. 08:35pm)
If you are interested in digging deeper into what Love is, I recommend "Love" by Leo Buscaglia.
kga245 (July 23, 2007. 04:47pm)
I just added that book to my wishlist. Thanks for the tip.
Loenlypoet15 (February 6, 2008. 11:30pm)
Okay i Can Semi Empathize, The Me And My Ex Used To Be Like One Person, No Lie.. And Then She Just Dropped Me She Stopped Anwsering Calls Blew Me Off At School And Went Back To Her Ex/