Legal to Drink − 7 December, 1992
The 21st birthday is an interesting event. It's not about getting to vote, drive, or be tried as an adult in a court of law. It's about (legally) getting piss-drunk on the cheapest alcohol you can buy. Period. The funny thing is, it's a purely American institution -- one we can thank our elected officials and lawyers for.
When I turned 21, I was a sophomore at the Air Force Academy. I had attended a year of college before going to the Academy, so I was a year older than most of my classmates. This meant that I had no one to go out drinking with to celebrate my new legal status for purchasing and consuming adult beverages.
Far be it from me to let something like that stand in the way of getting rip-roaring drunk; so I headed over to the Sports Bar alone. Yes, we had a Sports Bar right near the dorms. It was small and not really worth going to, except for the fact that the drinks were cheap and you didn't have to drive to get there. On top of its low social standing with cadets, attendance was low this night because it was the end of the semester and final exams were about to begin. Amazing how many cadets had such a sense of duty to study so rigorously as to fore go a quick drink at the bar. That, or they just wouldn't be caught dead at the Academy Sports Bar, which is far more likely.
I bellied up the to bar and ordered a pitcher of beer. No, just one glass, please. I drank down the entire pitcher fairly quickly -- there was nothing going on in the bar and no one was there. I drink fast when I'm bored.
As I neared the bottom of the pitcher, Tim Pickerel strolled into the bar. Tim was the only other sophomore in my squadron who was 21; he also attended a year of college before coming to the Academy.
Tim ordered two pitchers, came over to the table and thunked one down in front of me. "Happy birthday, you cheap bastard! Wouldn't even spring for a decent bar on your 21st?"
"No one else is 21, and I wasn't about to drive myself around. Speaking of cheap bastards, what are you doing here?"
"Studying for finals. Just needed something to get me started."
We proceeded to drink our pitchers of beer, this being my second. Now, I fully admit that I am a cheap date; two or three beers and I'm flying. And I just drank two pitchers in under 90 minutes.
I don't exactly recall going from the Sports Bar back to the squadron area (dorms), but the next thing I know I'm in the hallway pretending to be a dog (or a seal, or a monkey, I'm a little fuzzy on the details), much to the delight of the freshmen. This being a military institution, that was a big no-no.
Tim eventually rescued me from making an ass of myself and made me drink about a gallon of water -- he was a veteran drinker from his previous college experience and knew the tricks to lessen hangovers. I sustained about 50 bruises over the course of the night, stumbling to the bathroom down the hall to piss out all that water, but it was worth it. The next morning, I had no hangover at all.
When the freshmen came out in the hall that next morning, I was reminded that I didn't have any dignity, either.
When I turned 21, I was a sophomore at the Air Force Academy. I had attended a year of college before going to the Academy, so I was a year older than most of my classmates. This meant that I had no one to go out drinking with to celebrate my new legal status for purchasing and consuming adult beverages.
Far be it from me to let something like that stand in the way of getting rip-roaring drunk; so I headed over to the Sports Bar alone. Yes, we had a Sports Bar right near the dorms. It was small and not really worth going to, except for the fact that the drinks were cheap and you didn't have to drive to get there. On top of its low social standing with cadets, attendance was low this night because it was the end of the semester and final exams were about to begin. Amazing how many cadets had such a sense of duty to study so rigorously as to fore go a quick drink at the bar. That, or they just wouldn't be caught dead at the Academy Sports Bar, which is far more likely.
I bellied up the to bar and ordered a pitcher of beer. No, just one glass, please. I drank down the entire pitcher fairly quickly -- there was nothing going on in the bar and no one was there. I drink fast when I'm bored.
As I neared the bottom of the pitcher, Tim Pickerel strolled into the bar. Tim was the only other sophomore in my squadron who was 21; he also attended a year of college before coming to the Academy.
Tim ordered two pitchers, came over to the table and thunked one down in front of me. "Happy birthday, you cheap bastard! Wouldn't even spring for a decent bar on your 21st?"
"No one else is 21, and I wasn't about to drive myself around. Speaking of cheap bastards, what are you doing here?"
"Studying for finals. Just needed something to get me started."
We proceeded to drink our pitchers of beer, this being my second. Now, I fully admit that I am a cheap date; two or three beers and I'm flying. And I just drank two pitchers in under 90 minutes.
I don't exactly recall going from the Sports Bar back to the squadron area (dorms), but the next thing I know I'm in the hallway pretending to be a dog (or a seal, or a monkey, I'm a little fuzzy on the details), much to the delight of the freshmen. This being a military institution, that was a big no-no.
Tim eventually rescued me from making an ass of myself and made me drink about a gallon of water -- he was a veteran drinker from his previous college experience and knew the tricks to lessen hangovers. I sustained about 50 bruises over the course of the night, stumbling to the bathroom down the hall to piss out all that water, but it was worth it. The next morning, I had no hangover at all.
When the freshmen came out in the hall that next morning, I was reminded that I didn't have any dignity, either.
Comments:
CrystallineTulip (August 2, 2007. 10:50am)
Teehee. Funny story (as are most of yours). I remember being very irritated that I couldn't drink on my wedding day at the reception because I was only 20! I did drink later that night, but that story is for less public ears... Anyway, "turning 21" is a topic I haven't seen written about much here on Dandelife. Thanks for the chuckle. =oP
Electronic Goose (August 4, 2007. 01:38am)
Too funny!
Oblivious (August 13, 2007. 01:12am)
I love stories of wanton drunkenness. Of course, I also have quite the affinity for alcohol.