Nut Case − 1 September, 1978
When a guy takes a shot in the nuts, there are typically two reactions from on-lookers: other guys cringe in sympathy, and women roll their eyes. No matter how many times and different ways it is explained, women will never fully appreciate the pain of getting hit in the nuts. (I refuse to use the word "testicles" -- makes me want to turn my head and cough.)
Before the whole "giving birth" thing gets brought up, let me just say that I am not comparing the two, I am not saying one is more painful than the other, etc, ad absurdum... I am simply saying that a kick to the nuts is a unique and overwhelming kind of pain that cannot be fully appreciated without actually experiencing it. Unfortunately. Deep, crippling pain centering on your groin and radiating out in waves of agony... Even near-misses can bring a guy to his knees.
I was introduced to this pain in first grade. It was a gorgeous Autumn afternoon on the plains of Kansas; I was playing with my best friend at his house. We were on the front porch when Brad grabs my shoulders and says, "I need to show you something."
He held my shoulders and pressed me up against the house. I had a bad feeling about it, but curiosity got the better of me.
"Now stand right here. This is really cool."
Then the punk-ass mother-fucker kneed me in the nuts. Hard.
I doubled-over and fell to the ground. Never had I been in such pain. Oh, yeah, I was crying, though I think it could more acurately be described as howling in agony.
Brad tried desperately to get me to stop crying -- no doubt to save his own ass from a whipping. I don't remember even hearing him through the pain. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Ever so gingerly, I made my way back home.
The tears scored some cookies from Mom, so it wasn't all bad.
Before the whole "giving birth" thing gets brought up, let me just say that I am not comparing the two, I am not saying one is more painful than the other, etc, ad absurdum... I am simply saying that a kick to the nuts is a unique and overwhelming kind of pain that cannot be fully appreciated without actually experiencing it. Unfortunately. Deep, crippling pain centering on your groin and radiating out in waves of agony... Even near-misses can bring a guy to his knees.
I was introduced to this pain in first grade. It was a gorgeous Autumn afternoon on the plains of Kansas; I was playing with my best friend at his house. We were on the front porch when Brad grabs my shoulders and says, "I need to show you something."
He held my shoulders and pressed me up against the house. I had a bad feeling about it, but curiosity got the better of me.
"Now stand right here. This is really cool."
Then the punk-ass mother-fucker kneed me in the nuts. Hard.
I doubled-over and fell to the ground. Never had I been in such pain. Oh, yeah, I was crying, though I think it could more acurately be described as howling in agony.
Brad tried desperately to get me to stop crying -- no doubt to save his own ass from a whipping. I don't remember even hearing him through the pain. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Ever so gingerly, I made my way back home.
The tears scored some cookies from Mom, so it wasn't all bad.
