The Real Reasons people Have Kids − 20 October, 2007

My Sister is pregnant, two friends are pregnant, people I know want to have kids or already have some. They are overwhelmed because they had kids for the reasons below without thinking about the reasons Not to have Kids (subject of an upcoming blog hehe). Oh. I don't have kids but I love them and I love kidding about it.

Having kids is like having really expensive shoes : a great fashion accessory.
They're so damn cute !
It's the smell
Having kids is a great excuse to be out shopping all the time and buy all this stuff
You can play with their toys
Finally an excuse for knowing and singing all these silly songs
Someone to teach you all those techno things i.e. kids always know more than the parents
The house will always have birthday cake, cookies, sweets, ice cream, peanut butter & jelly, nutella, apple sauce, etc.
A kid is such a good bargaining chip with the other family, with your own or with your spuse
A kid is THE solution when the couple goes bad. If you have a kid everything goes so much better !
They make a great attraction at the park, as good as puppies
Such a great way to disappear from work
A good way to avoid sex (baby's crying, puking, awake, sleeping, teething, crapping, walking...)
Excellent excuse to avoid dressing and showering
Baby blues and a chance at going nuts (every woman wants one of these and pharmaceutical companies have developed a pill to induce it in men so they can take off work for months at a time and be all emotional, they always wanted to know what it's all about)
"My kid ate my report."
"I'm too tired because of the kids" is the New Black of excuses for "Going to this art exhibit, show, restaurant is so not appealing and I'd rather stay at home and watch Canadian Idol."
You can talk like a kid again
When the kid grows up and becomes a teen you can borrow his or her clothes and act all cool
Watching TV without feeling guilty. Hey, you're watching the kid !
Eating McDonald's every week which you hadn't done since that documentary without going into another town from fear of being seen by someone you know
Collecting toys from McDonald's which you hadn't done since an ex had laughed at you
Renting all the kiddie movies more than once and singing along, especially the Lion King and the Little mermaid. hey ! You're watching it with the kid !
All the MTV you want when the kid becomes a teenager
Input into what's cool and what's not and all the new vocabulary you can master
Before, you "just didn't understand". Now you can join the Mommy Circles...or the Power Mommies or the Soccer Moms.
Real bugs, germs, viruses, parasites of all sorts so that the doctor can file a real paper to bring at work when you're sick more than a few days
To get rid of the damn cat i.e toxoplasmosis
To stay home and surf the net and Dandelife and write a blog about having kids and publish a book