Looking forward to Saturday − 30 November, 2006
From AJ
To LSDC
Nov 30, 2006 4:40 PM
I was just going to send you an e-mail when I noticed this "book" you sent me. Read a little, but will have to wait on the rest as we are SO busy here today.
From LSDC
To AJ
Nov 30, 2006 4:15 PM
wow book-length.. maybe you should read this some other time or in pieces.. can u tell i miss you yet ?
o xx o
There is a sadness
Hidden in that pretty face
A sadness all her own
From which
No man
Can keep Candy safe- we KISS
My heart's rushes through my brain
The blood rushes in my veins
The fire rushes towards the sky..
She says- baby if you wanna be wild
You got a lot to learn
Close your eyes
Let them melt
Let them fire
Let them burn
Cause in the darkness
There'll be hidden worlds that shine
When I hold Candy close she makes those hidden worlds mine
~Candy's Room B.Springsteen
i'm glad you told me you wanted me to give you some space/time...i like space. i like a girl that knows when she wants/needs some.. Am i allowed to say 'i miss you..? Yeah well i do - no big deal. Is good to miss you. We should do this again sometime... You telling me to go away for a while i mean :-)
Was it hard for you to say?.. it sounded/felt like it was not easy for you at least.. Please know it is TOTALLY ok and encouraged. Thank you for sharing.. thank you for knowing yourself, thank you for not making me a chore or a 'have-to' or some other type of pressure/stress on your life schedule. Space is good... But yes i do miss our time.. and see look at that - Because i was missing you so much this morning i decided - if that invitation to Bush Gardens has not expired yet i would like to say YES PLEASE! i would be thrilled to spend a day with you and the kids at BG.. I mean - if you still want to ;-) if not.. well, that is ok also :-)
Have not seen Su since.. well since that email i sent you and twinge etc... Good word twinge. Is really what it feels like. Like an out of tune guitar string. A ever so slight twist of the gut or pull on the heartstrings. jealousy, possession, imprinting of sex is a freaky thing. Regardless of what the rational mind says. There is still that slight twinge.. well ok, for me anyway - lol perhaps for most other people it is an avalanche of disaster.... Speaking of avalanche's of disaster.. oh wait - i will return to that later.. i was saying about Su.
Su and i traded a few emails yesterday morning... i could tell she was feeling frisky. We did not talk about making plans or seeing each other or anything - course at that point i thought i might or might not be seeing you still this week..But later in the evening she sent me an email that would normally end up with me in her bed for the night, lots of sweat, panting etc... but for some reason.. ok maybe for a combination of reasons ( both real and imagined) i was not particularly in the MOOD for any crazy sex-ing or company of any sort for that matter.. Turned the phone off, napped i mentioned.. Had a feeling JDane might be wanting to play or something or who knows.. who-ever.. I was feeling like cave-time would be good for me... The truth is yesterday in the market was a bit of an avalanche of disaster for me.. i mostly just got my newly freshly funded account thoroughly thrashed... damn it man.. yeah ok maybe sometimes THIS is a bit of a twinge for me as well... no, much different from a twinge.. more like an occasional black hole or crushing wall of failure type of feeling. This too will pass as it always does and am feeling better this morning. Trade is going much better today and thus is the life of a professional gambler i suppose. I will be happy when i will be able to return to my more typical life of, routine, unattached boredom of individual trade outcomes and non-excitement. Basically, MUCH smaller position sizes and daily equity swings.
So yeah, sat at home alone all night.. happily so.. Read.. lol played minesweeper - watched the overnight market action till the wee hours of the morning... hence, no wake up call to you this morning :-) lol i suppose i coulda just stayed up another hour and called to say - goodnight/goodmorning.. i LOVE my life schedule.. or lack thereof. Life is good.
But anyway around like 11 something.. 11:30pm almost.. TT calls me.. She's in Brooksville all week. Some kinda training/school/seminar thingy for work. They are actually putting her up in a hotel room and Sky is in Orlando all week and she has been very much looking forward to alone time, TT-time, just a free little hotel room, an expense account, a workout space room and no traffic or pressures... Of course ME- always thinking with my cock and loving hotel room sex - (did i TELL you i should get a job as a flight attendant for a while.. just for fun) i was like.. kewl. You going to have Dave come over while you are there.. And she is like OOOH Nooo... i was like.. well gee, maybe i will take the bike up for a visit(sex).. and she was like no-wa-ah.. she was all about just chilling, being alone etc... it really DID sound like a nice idea for her and all but i was FAR from convinced..Perhaps i just know her to well but she is just too fucking hot (and horny) to NOT hook up with someone while she is free all week. I was like.. oh yeah- well of course there are going to be OTHER (many) guys at this thing.. away from home, with lots of free time and eager cum to share and all.. And she was like no no no is not LIKE that.. They are all old and fat and i do not WANT to hook up with anyone- just going to spend quality TT time... Famous last words right - i still told her on Sunday she should bring some condoms?
i think his name was Mit. Monday, first day, they sit next to each other in class all day, have lunch with him and a local co-worker. He LIVES in brooksville, single, 30yrs old, hot or well at least supposedly the only one that was not older or grossly over-weight in the class with her..They meet for a couple drinks in the lobby from 7:30-9:30p... He mentions he wants to wash his hands before going home and TT suggest that he just come in and use HER bathroom in the room. LOL.. yeah so he does not go home until 3am.. "They talked ALOT" lol which means mostly that he just listened to TT talk ALOT. Always the sure-est and best-est way to get her ultra wet and horny. i swear just listen to the girl for a while and she is suddenly like.. gee- i never NOTICED how attractive he is, how horny i am ect. lol... So yeah, she ends up naked and well finger fucked, licked etc... he somehow manages to keep his clothes on the entire time. Never push the actual intercourse thing although she was SO wanting him to. Asked if she could 'do anything for him'.. meaning she REALLY wanted to get him off in some way anyway at all woulda been GREAT for her.. and he was like.. oh no- 'this is all about you tonight'.. awe~.. She loved it. i mean- she WANTED to love it.. it makes her uncomfortable when it is 'all about' her- she really PREFERS to be giver in bed more so than the receiver but still.. Felt really good, although of course she was not nearly comfortable enough with him to be able to climax with him, he WAS a totally awesome kisser, good listener and very pleasurable touch... We spoke briefly Tues morning, she is giddy on love's high although naturally tired from very little sleep. She tells me the above adventure and i can not resist with the- told u so - now, go buy some condoms for tonight wild child...
She calls at me 11:30p all horse and stuffed up - like she has been at a rock concert all day. Sounds peaceful but happy. I immediately play her that Springsteen song Candy's Girl which had been on single-track-loop for me all night... She tolerates it from me..i finally turn it down and ask her how it went. She says he stood her up, then burst into tears, sobbing for the next 10 mins over all the pain,frustration,loneliness,desolation that is 'dating' for a 35yr old hopeless romantic... her Dave guy.. he STILL has not called or written. She really likes him. They have had sex twice now but that is it. He never TALKS to her, spends time with her, sees or otherwise seems to give a shit about her except for the two nights they have fucked.. He used to write a little in the beginning.. but that was weeks ago and how the FUCK can you do that together and not follow it up the same day or in the least the very NEXT day and say.. hi, love... just thinking about you.. how was your day.. i loved exchanging bodily fluids with you, we should do that again sometime.. i will NEVER understand that, rules or no rules - just what is the POINT?!? And now the new Mit-guy.. he acts "all weird" in class all day.. they DO have lunch together but he is clearly way uncomfortable, and says he needs to "do laundry" before coming back over for the night time.. Then that is it.. no call, no reply to text-es or voice mails... So TT is a wreck. Feeling just used, feeling un-important, non-entity, feeling like her friend fern does not even call her back.. no one seems to fucking CARE about anyone else..Says she is fine really.. she did not want to call and have me hear her down like this.. just that she started her third self-sobbing session so she was like FUCKIT i'm calling LSDC, he knows all this already... I've got this crazy theory i developed sometime in high school actually... love is equal to our most precious most non-renewable resource.. time... We've already had LOTS of time- TT and i... not like any of these feelings/thoughts are new to her or that i have not already seen her like this in times prior... She says why can't people just be HONEST for a change.. says how come no one wants to just be a friend, be real, be a complete package be a caring, person,spirit soul - fellow journeyman, life is hard enough as it is.... Says she really appreciates me and us and yeah me to, muchly. Says i make it EASY to be honest all the time. says all she wants is a friend, a girl friend even.. she has plenty but whatever still feels unknown or misunderstood or alone or unappreciated or cared for... She gets it all out and is fine really.. says thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder for a little while...it sounded to me like this Mit- guy IS actually way into to her in all honesty and most likely just feel asleep, or maybe crashed his car or had a girlfriend or something came up that he could just not get out of... uncanny how well i can read people even vicariously..i was like- most likely he is just one of those that falls hard and fast and is just scared, i am thinking parents way religious and has some fairly deep-seated sexual issues as well most likley but something just came up and is only reason why she got 'stood up'... now the dave guy from the last few weeks.. oh no- i called Dave as a player from day one. Actually 'pick-up-artist' is the term i used or PUA as they go by on the web. amazing...
Anyway yeah that was my night.. TT hung up and went to sleep and i was left with my minesweeper and peaceful silent home thinking how we all just want the same thing... you, tt, me.. your neighbor.. your sister, my sister, my father - your MOM and ex-husband... yeah ok million paths to that place but we just want someone to eat our food. To know us. love us for us and just share that connection..Fear is so dis-connecting.
connected,
LSDC
