Almost Married  − May, 2005

We had been trying for another baby.  Ben was getting older, and my heart broke to think of him as an only child.  I wanted my children to have the same gift that I had as a child - brothers and sisters.  Siblings who would always be there to love and support and encourage, to make memories with and get into trouble with and fight with and forgive.  But it didn't seem that this would be.  Each month, with blood, would come frustration and disappointment.  Eventually, it got too hard.  I couldn't keep hoping, only to have that hope cruelly wiped out over and over.  I thought, "I'll stop thinking about this.  I'll focus on something else."

And that is how it came to be that we began to plan our wedding.  For years we had been mentioning in an off-hand way that we should get married.  It seemed the logical thing.  We had been together for several years.  There was Ben to think about.  And so, we began to plan for a wedding on May 13, 2006.  We devised a guest list.  We chose colours.  We booked an officiant and a reception hall.  I searched for the dress.  Things began to take shape. 

And then came a little bump in the road.  Rather, a little bump that would become a much larger bump.