Dear Santa − 29 November, 2007

Yesterday, I watched a video called "Cher Père Noël" about a village in New Brunswick getting together to answer to Santa letters. It was very moving, I wish I hadn't worn mascara and I almost sobbed at one point.

I remember when I was working with kids that one year I wrote to Santa asking that things get better in their lives, asking for a better budget, asking for patience, tolerance and mental health. I was around 28 or 29 at the time. I wrote with markers, sent it and forgot about it until last week at the announce that we were going to see that film.

When I was watching it I remembered how badly I wanted to believe in Santa. Even if I stopped believing when I was around 6 or 7 (I always knew somehow that he didn't exist), I really needed to believe in Santa around 12. I needed to believe that my dreams could come through, that he would be there for me, I just needed to believe in something. I needed help and wasn't getting any, my life was shit. I had my little sister that was 2 at the time and we all tried to make him come alive.

My mom always needed to believe in the magic of Christmas and she is the one that makes it all happen. We celebrate Valentine's day, Halloween, Easter, Christmas, birthdays...everything has to be special. I like that about her even if I didn't understand why she was making such a fuss about things. I guess that it makes her happy to make things cheery and have a bubble of magic for a day. She likes having people around the table. She really misses me since I decided not to go there anymore.

I remember how Santa was so close to God in my mind and I thought that they were together in the same place and talked things over. Don't we talk to God when we want things ? We ask for gifts to Santa but when we look inside our hearts, we wish for other things than ipods, computer games, snowboards, etc. We ask for peace, love, happiness...

I know I wish that My Sister comes to her senses. I wish that my mom doesn't have anything bad when she goes to the doctor's in a couple of weeks. I wish my favorite colleague stays with me for long and I wish for patience, tolerance and lots of courage. I wish my friend finds peace about her mom's future death and that her grief just follows the "normal" path, that another friend finds in herself some self-esteem and stops thinking about herself through the eyes of others, that my little sister becomes famous and stays away from trouble. I wish for steady work.

I don't care about ipods, computers, sweaters, more books. I just want to be safe, to be loved, to be heard and be happy.

Posted on November 29, 2007. and has been viewed 597 times.