Bad Apples − 4 January, 2008
I know someone – someone quite close to me, in fact – who is always the victim. She has an amazing ability to turn EVERY situation into one that somehow victimizes her. It’s an incredible way to rationalize the world – and one I don’t think she even realizes is unrealistic.There have been plenty of other people I have met like that. People who always seem to have a problem in every group they join – and it’s never them. Every where they go eventually they are forced out and it’s NEVER their fault. They have not a clue – they blame it on everyone else and the fact that they just haven’t found the place they fit in. Well, at least the last part is accurate. I don’t know a single group of people that tolerate that sort of personality type unless it is a therapy group. They are the trouble makers, the ones who incite aggression, distrust and are naturally divisive individuals. Untrustworthy.Sometimes, they appear sweet and innocent. You fall for their lies. Sometimes there is a red flag or two – that little voice in your head telling you there is something not quite right…. But you ignore it, giving them the benefit of the doubt. Often they play on your niceness, cultivating your attention and assistance, and then something happens that isn’t quite right… what they are saying and doing are two different things.They tell you one thing but present another image to the world. They feign ignorance, but tell others they are the expert. Often it is for monetary gain, sometimes it is just because they like pitting people (especially if they are friends) against each other. Stupidly, we often fall for this – it seems easier to believe the lies about what terrible things your friend said about you than it is to trust that your friend would never say that and that this person is a manipulative liar. They have a way of making the lies sound real, and why would they lie anyway? Of course your friend is jealous…I don’t understand that kind of person. Indeed, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Recently, our club had a lady come out to train with us – she had been to “every other dog club” in the area, and “they were mean.” She heard we were “nice” so she wanted to train with us. That little voice niggled the back of my mind. A red flag popped up, but I ignored it. I couldn’t make a decision on something as illogical as a gut feeling, right? After all, I am an Aquarius – the friendship sign – and tend to quash emotional responses in favor of logical ones. There was no reason, logically, not to trust her.But things started not adding up. She claimed ignorance of certain topics, but presented herself an expert on such matters on her website. She had a million excuses for unethical behavior on her part – she “didn’t know.” She had misleading advertising on her website and clearly stretched the truth or omitted it when we asked about certain things.She went ahead a violated a club rule and when she was politely asked to correct the problem, she flipped out and called me all sorts of horrible names. And then it all came into focus. She was everything she accused me of being. Everyone else is wrong. She is the wronged party. All those other dog clubs saw that and kicked her out – they weren’t “mean” they were smart! Smarter than me, anyway. Obviously they saw her coming a mile away. As we tend to attract a certain sort of person, I assumed she was that sort of person, not the sort she actually turned out to be. Very disappointing and disturbing. Now I am (I have to be) on guard when it comes to potential new members. It’s a shame and I don’t like it. I like greeting and accepting everyone who joins us. Now I am cool and a little suspicious until I get to know someone. I don’t readily help strangers anymore. I am especially avoidant of those people she associated with. The farther I can get away from that influence, the better. I have no wish to repeat the experiences of dealing with her in any way – however far removed. I don’t want to be an Officer anymore. I have appointed someone else as the official club greeter. I don’t like the way the situation has since changed my behavior, but, I also don’t want to expose myself to another episode. That’s not what we started this whole thing for – I just wanted to get together with my friends and train dogs…
