I Live a Charmed Life  − 18 February, 2008

Or so my Dad believes.  He has said this numerous times throughout my life, despite the fact of my bipolar disorder, life-long “problems” wrought by child abuse, three devastating bipolar episodes, a rocky marriage (which is improving), job stress for the past six years, and asthma.

Whew.  It sounds like a lot of bad stuff.  But there has been a lot of good stuff, too. My bipolar disorder is in remission.  My asthma is mostly under control.  Long years of therapy have enabled me to overcome a great many “problems”.  I almost never had to look for a job; they just fall into my lap.  I have built a respectable career that affords me an enviable lifestyle.  I have developed a good set of core values by which to live.

My Dad must have worried about me when I was younger.  I was troubled.  I didn’t fit in.  I fell into a number of bad relationships with men.  There were many years when he must have wondered whether I would ever lead a normal life (I certainly wondered about it).

But even when all of that was going on, I got a full four-year scholarship (tuition, and room & board) to college. A fellowship and a research assistantship funded my graduate degree. I was a stellar student, always near the top of my class.  I’ve always gotten high praise from my employers for the quality of my work.

I like who I am.  There are parts I don’t like, but at least I know they’re there, and I can work on them.  Although in the darkest moments I’ve wished I didn’t have to live anymore, I’ve never wished I were someone else.  I feel like I have a tremendous amount of power over my life. There are things that are obviously beyond my control, but mentally, anything should be possible if I work at it.