Horrendous Nightmare − 15 March, 2008
Since I talked about my parent's divorce I had less nightmares but they seem to come back. They are not about divorce or separation however.
In the night from saturday to sunday I had a very frightening dream. I woke up and first thing I did was write it down in my notebook that I have been keeping on my bed for a couple of weeks.
From my bed I can see the door to the balcony, the door to the living room, a bit of a book shelf, my desk, a lamp. My mind kenw what the objects were but the obscurity was full of menace. I was afraid to look throught the window in case someone was there and I felt like someone was in my apartment. My chest was squeezing from fright. I felt confused, part of me still in my dream.
I forced myself to get up. The snow on the balcony was pristine like always. A neighbour was coming back - from a night out ? It was 3:30 - and was busy parking her car. As I walked carefully, my heart pounding furiously, I lit every room of the apartment, very afraid of finding someone there even though I knew it was not possible. I was cold, my pyjama was damp with sweat.
When I arrived to the kitchen, I lit up. I forced myself to cross the floor to the door. I checked the locks - a move I have been doing almost every night for the last months but that I do every night during summer - and I forced myself to look through the window. I was fearing that a creature would jump and destroy the door and me at the same time like in a Twilight Zone episode. My heart hurt from anxiety. But everything was normal, silent. A few neighbours had left their porch lights on, there was no movement.
I went to the bathroom. I changed my pyjama - they are showing signs of wear from being washed so much - and went back to bed, turning the lights off everywhere. I left my bedside lamp on for most of the night, its bluish light reassuring. I tried to relax as I petted my cat. I felt lucky to have him to distract me as I tried going back to sleep.
Comments:
bmccosar (March 18, 2008. 01:07am)
You know, probably pets are the best anchor point against that sort of fright. I don't have the same sort of nightmares as I did when I was a kid -- mine are not about fright, but about loss. For example, one night, I woke up from a dream where I'd just returned to an empty house from my wife's funeral; I realized I'd never see her again, and the feeling of emptiness was monumental, crushing. My wife happened to be away on a business trip at the time. I woke up with that horrible feeling echoing in my mind -- and one of my dogs, Neri, heard me wake and came running over to see what was going on. (She's tall enough to just peep over the side of the bed.) Petting her brought me back to the real world.
Bazookah 5 (March 26, 2008. 06:36pm)
My dreams are about loss too sometimes. Particularly when I'm with someone. I dream they die or leave me. A couple of weeks ago I dreamed my mom was dead. I dream of betrayal also. It's safe to say that I dream what I feel or have felt and don't want to deal with.