Adopting a Foster Child? − 2 April, 2008
So I have been thinking about adopting or fostering a child. Every few hours on my radio station there is a Public Service Announcement about being a foster parent, and I keep thinking maybe one of those kids needs me.
I can’t have children biologically, for various reasons, so adopting has always been a thought in my mind – in fact, I always envisioned adopting a baby girl from China. I mean, my husband and I have an extra bedroom, and a lot of love to share. Both of us are very open, accepting people and I think we would be excellent foster parents – or even adoptive parents. I think I would like an older girl, too – in her tweens or teens. They are perhaps, less “adoptable,” but easier in a lot of ways. Self-sufficient, and I could be there to support her in whatever hobbies or sports she wants to play in. I would also avoid all the mistakes I might make with a younger child. An older child needs more guidance and support, which I think we would be able to provide in spades.
My husband and I both work full-time (who doesn’t nowadays?) but she would be in school, and we could arrange our schedules to pick her up, or even help her finance her own first car.
There are quite a few older kids who like animals – a requirement for living in our house with all the critters we have – and I think our home would be perfect. She would have the opportunity to do a lot of dog, cat, bird stuff and I would even love to take her for horseback riding lessons if that’s what she wanted. I did 4H back in the day, and I think she would love working at a barn in trade for riding lessons, or at a vet’s office.
I could teach her some skills that would serve her well if she wanted to take advantage of them – things like dog training and showing, for instance. I would love that. There are a lot of families involved in dog stuff, and it is really neat to be a part of that.
Our house isn’t huge, and it isn’t in the nicest neighborhood, but we would be honored to have a foster or adopted child to love and support. Financially, we are far from wealthy, but we are creative, and I am sure we would work it out.
So I filled out the little questionnaire, and I expect we will be contacted in the near future. There’s are a couple of girls in Florida who love animals and are older - perhaps they would be a good fit. I am sure the person who comes to our house to check it out will maybe worry about the number of critters we have, but everything is neat and clean and taken care of. I am thinking I will have to start cleaning out my junk, though. I don’t want to have to rent a storage unit for crap, and it seems I have accumulated quite a bit of it in the last few years. We will have to clean that all out to make room, should we be approved to foster or adopt.
I am thinking a girl, rather than a boy, simply because I will likely do more of the “parenting” and I don’t know how well I would relate to a tween/teenaged boy. I think I would do better with a girl. In both my husband’s and my family, girls outnumber boys, so we are both more used to taking care of girls.
As the oldest daughter of four – my two younger sisters are 6 and 14 years younger than I am, so I was very much a pseudo-parent to my youngest sister. I remember mustering my younger siblings into some semblance of order – assigning chores, enforcing good behavior and rewarding their efforts with fun trips to the mall, movies, etc. I was very much like a drill sergeant and helped take some of the weight off my mother – especially during school breaks, when she really needed a break herself.
There’s a part of me a little nervous about it. IF we are approved (maybe we won’t be?), it is a little scary bringing another person in your home and your heart. It gives them the power to hurt you when you let them in. But it would be worth it, I think, to be honored to be loved by a special soul who needs you. What a blessing. I will let you know how it goes…
Comments:
peahayes (April 2, 2008. 09:35pm)
Let me be the devil's advocate. Foster children often come with a ton of baggage. They may have been shunted around from home to home. Even older children up for adoption can come with a lot of baggage. Your work with animals could be very therapeutic for a troubled child. But just remember, a troubled child comes with a lot of ups and downs for the whole family. Although you might think you'd be doing most of the parenting, the child's presence in your lives will very much affect your husband. It may be that fostering or adopting an older child is the perfect thing for you. But make sure to learn a lot about it before you dive in. You want to go in with your eyes open so that you can be emotionally prepared when the struggles come. You'll need tools for these struggles, in case the work with animals doesn't always help. You'd probably want to find some resources, too, like a foster parent's group, or an adoptive parents' group so that when you're at your wits end, you have some people to talk to. Good luck with your decision!
peahayes (April 2, 2008. 09:37pm)
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but my husband's mother took foster children in a bit too wantonly when he was a child. She wasn't very realistic about what it would be like, and the family paid the consequences.
peahayes (April 2, 2008. 09:39pm)
OK, sorry, but one more thing -- even if the child were an angel, she would still benefit greatly from a father figure. It would be better for her if your husband felt as enthusiastic as you do about the relationship.