Human and Estranged − 21 April, 2008
Sometimes I don't feel like I'm human.
I feel detached as I observe people around me. I look at them like I would look at insects. And I wonder how they can go around and build relationships, go on trips, buy houses, have kids, have normal relationships with their families...have hope and a purpose.
I also need explanations on feelings. It can take weeks before I identify a feeling or why something bothers me. It is then "normal" for me to have not been feeling guilt or shame for years. I didn't know what it was. Sometimes I don't know what I feel.
Well, I do feel tired with all those nights I wake up two-three times. I feel stressed because of my job, my family, money...I feel lonely because I would like to be with someone and can't seem to connect.
I feel estranged from the people I see every day and from "normal" life. I don't feel like I fit in even though it appears like it. It's a constant effort to say hi but I do it.
Comments:
peahayes (April 22, 2008. 02:56am)
Ok, let me take a stab at this. Could you get involved in something like volunteering in the evenings? Maybe tutoring, or being a Big Sister, or helping with adult literacy, or working at a homeless shelter? Things like this can help you to climb out of your own skull and into the worlds of people you would never otherwise meet. You will experience feelings that are new... that are positive... you will connect in ways that aren't about finding a mate, but which will feed your soul in other ways. I've spent a lot of time in my skull when the stuff going on in there was really dreadful. I do recommend getting out of the house and into some kind of meaningful activity. Let me know what you think.
PandoraBox (April 25, 2008. 06:36pm)
I already volunteer. Once a week I respond to letters. It takes my mind off things. Here I write about things that I don't talk about with people I know. It seems all I think about is finding someone but I think about it in turns with obsessing about money or my body. I think about lots of other things but lately I feel more lonely. It's a phase.