Attached  − 25 April, 2008

Becoming attached, attachment, being fond of...
I don't think about what I feel for people. What is there to think about. And that's the problem : thinking.

But I have been thinking about this attachment thing. I discovered that it's easier to become attached to someone "far away" than becoming attached to someone "too close". Like the woman helping kids cross the street. We say Hi every morning and I miss her when she's gone for summer. I am attached to a guy who works at the cafe...I guess it's because I really like my coffee or chocolate bars and he's always there so coffee, bars and the guy have entertwined somehow.

I have become "shifty" (uneasy) about people who I have been close to and they are nice people. Kind of like a reflex that makes me push away people I like in case I become hurt or in case they don't like me as much as I think they do. I avoid the person or find a million reasons why they get on my nerves. Then I think I have a superiority complex and feel guilty about it. So I try seeing the person and try relaxing...just to get really stressed about whatever gets on my nerves...

It's so weird...the things that make me want to strangle someone I like.

-The person isn't practical prefers things that will break in two weeks to something that will last
-The person has no self-esteem and it shows (I don't have much but it doesn't show too much except here...)
-Person is not a good listener but talks and talks and talks
-No color coordination, no taste
-Takes things personally even if the subject doesn't concern him/her
-Thinks that because two things taste great they will taste great together...or because two things look good they will look good together...for example silver coat and orange scarf or garlic mayonnaise and croissants...
-Just can't make the effort to cook the "right way". Everything on high, dry chicken, no spices, no salt or pepper..

All of this means basically that I want to control everything. Hehe.