I'm Not the Goddamn Batman − 2 May, 2008
I've been a comic book fanboy since junior high. The first series I collected was the Blue Devil -- not worth a crap now, but hilarious to read. My obsession was on-again off-again through college. Then I went ape-shit my junior year of college and blew an incredible amount of money on comic books. All because of the simple act of walking into a comic book store.
Ah, yes, entering the mental miasma of the comic book store proved to be too much for my weak will to handle. It even got to the point where I had subscriptions to various comic books: the store owners would set aside copies (the ones in the best condition, of course) for me to pick up the next time I came by. It was a binge that lasted over two years.
Since then, I just pine away for them from a distance. Every now and then I'll open the boxes and read through some. Once in a great while my wife will pick up a few random comic books for me, to feed my inner fanboy.
I have often wondered at my fascination with comic books. Was it the stories? The artwork? A simple break from reality?
Yes, yes, and yes. But more than that, there was a little place in the corner of my mind that I reserved for the most dorktastic of my fantasies. That one place I mentally went to where I could be and do anything.
That's right -- I wanted to be a superhero.
Which one? Now there's a question. A question, in fact, that may be answered by two questions.
What are the most interesting powers? Invisibility? Nah, to obvious. I was more a fan of Ice Man's or Green Lantern's powers. The more bizarre and off-the-wall the better. It didn't particularly matter whether the power was useful.
Which is the coolest character? Superman? Way too goody-goody. I liked my heroes gritty and with some 'tude: Spawn, even the later incarnations of Batman. In fact, one of my favorite lines from a comic book comes from one of the later Batman comics. Batman introduced himself to Grayson with this gem: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman."
Sweeeeeet.
Anyway, I dreamt of different powers and playing the part of various superheroes. The thing is, I was doing this well into my adult years. Laugh at your peril. One small jest and I'll whip a bat-a-rang at your punk ass.
Ah, well, it just wasn't meant to be. I can always dream.
Though, I do have to say that maybe it's not just a dream. Money may not be everything, but it can get things done you wouldn't otherwise think possible. Anyone can have a Batmobile if they have enough money.
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Note: If the tag for this story has you scratching your head, read the comments on this story.
Comments:
peahayes (May 2, 2008. 12:10pm)
Yay! You did it. I didn't know Batman has such a foul mouth! Wait, is this fiction? Or maybe historical fiction?
intrepideddie (May 2, 2008. 12:18pm)
No, it's the sad, sad truth. Your challenge just provided the right memory job and "inspiration." And, yeah, Batman got a bit over PG-13 there for a while. When people ask where my potty mouth came from, I sometimes say, "Hey, if it's good enough for the goddamn Batman..."
PandoraBox (May 2, 2008. 03:12pm)
Hihi. I had a boyfriend who really liked his comics and I went to the store with him. But I would buy She-Hulk comics to the huge relief of the store owner and to my boyfriend's amazement. They were worth a nickel but I really liked her. 7' tall and green permanently. Now I think about it, it may have been the debut of my liking for chick lit !!
bmccosar (May 2, 2008. 08:47pm)
Green Lantern's powers were great -- the ability to use that ring to do anything you can imagine, build any object you can think of. Of course it would always be green. Then there was that stupid weakness . . . the color yellow. How could he face the other members of the JLA, knowing that if he imprisoned a few crooks inside of one of his patented green force field bubbles . . . . they could escape by burning through said force field with some "tee tee"? Forget Sinestro and his yellow power ring. You don't need any equipment that nature didn't already provide. (OK, to be fair, no one ever had to go do #1 in a comic, but you know . . . . )
peahayes (May 3, 2008. 02:25am)
I'd say judging from this you are ready for another challenge. But take your time. And do it only if it appeals. Write a story including this sentence: "I, for one, welcome our new horseshoe crab overlords."
intrepideddie (May 3, 2008. 04:02am)
@Bruce, yeah, wasn't exactly a real well thought-out weakness for Green Lantern. Any jackass with a 6 pack of beer and a moderately-sized bladder could take him down. Oh, man, I can't believe I didn't include the Tick on the list of heroes... @Pea Eye, you are an evil, evil woman. I'm going to start to neglect my other writing...
peahayes (May 3, 2008. 12:29pm)
Oh, that's what I was afraid of. Don't let me stop you from writing what your heart desires. Just fit this in where you can, if it intrigues you. Actually, it's really just me trying to nudge you to write more! If it makes you write something else, so much the better! I just figured that you were geeky enough to be the perfect person to write this one.
peahayes (May 3, 2008. 09:38pm)
OK, Eddie, I am more evil than your wildest dreams. I have opened the next challenge up to the entire Dandelife community, but you are welcome to snatch it up if it seems more interesting than bowing down to horseshoe crabs. Just after you read my piece about the dream I had, I saw email from my friend Michael. You can see what I posted on the dream story.
intrepideddie (May 8, 2008. 05:00am)
Response to challenge #2: http://dandelife.com/story/48851
Ok, I have to ask, is anyone else considering these at all? I would find it highly entertaining to read other responses to the challenges. But I'm a dork that way. As far as the dream challenge goes... I'm thinking about it, but I'll have to mull it over for a while. Relationship-y writing isn't my forte, and I'm afraid I could offend (not like that's stopped me in the past, but...).
peahayes (May 8, 2008. 11:38am)
I've heard nothing. I asked Josh to take a look & he visited but there's been no story. I figure people write what they want to.. No hurry, butt it's never a bad idea to stretch yourself and flex those writing muscles.