Road Rage as Comic Relief − 8 May, 2008
I don't suffer from road rage, but I do scratch my head in wonder every day at the crap I see other drivers doing. (I am by no stretch of the imagination a perfect driver, but holy fuck, I'm not an idiot.) My daily commute to and from work is about 45 minutes -- one way. That said, when I'm getting near home at the end of the day, I have had my fill of driving and other drivers. Today was no different.
Almost.
On the way home today, very near the end of the drive, I was driving up a hill on a four-lane road. I was in the fast lane passing a car in the slow lane. Behind us, a blue minivan came screaming up on our asses. He weaved impatiently back and forth between the lanes, alternately tailgating me and the car I was passing.
And, yes, all the while he was honking his horn and flashing his lights. Asshole.
As I pulled ahead of the car in slow lane, the minivan was right on my bumper. The jackass didn't even give me time to pull a safe distance ahead of the other car and switch lanes. No, this genius made his move the second I was fully ahead of the other car: he swerved into the slow lane, cutting off the other car and causing him to slam on his brakes (I actually heard a brief squeal of rubber on road). As he pulled up next to me to pass me in the slow lane, he rolled down his window and matched my speed.
Oh, crap. This can't be good.
Looking over, I saw he had his arm cocked back and he was holding a great big thermal mug of (probably) coffee.
What?! He's going to throw his fucking coffee on my car?!
Sure enough, he flings his arm out and light brown liquid (must have used creamer) sailed out in an arc.
What he didn't take into account was the fact that we were driving up the road at 50mph. And karma took over from there. Sweet, glorious karma has a sense of humor.
The arc of coffee (with creamer) turned like a boomerang and flew right back into the minivan's open window -- drenching the hot-head with his own stupidity and spraying the inside of his minivan with coffee.
I didn't stop laughing until I got home.
Almost.
On the way home today, very near the end of the drive, I was driving up a hill on a four-lane road. I was in the fast lane passing a car in the slow lane. Behind us, a blue minivan came screaming up on our asses. He weaved impatiently back and forth between the lanes, alternately tailgating me and the car I was passing.
And, yes, all the while he was honking his horn and flashing his lights. Asshole.
As I pulled ahead of the car in slow lane, the minivan was right on my bumper. The jackass didn't even give me time to pull a safe distance ahead of the other car and switch lanes. No, this genius made his move the second I was fully ahead of the other car: he swerved into the slow lane, cutting off the other car and causing him to slam on his brakes (I actually heard a brief squeal of rubber on road). As he pulled up next to me to pass me in the slow lane, he rolled down his window and matched my speed.
Oh, crap. This can't be good.
Looking over, I saw he had his arm cocked back and he was holding a great big thermal mug of (probably) coffee.
What?! He's going to throw his fucking coffee on my car?!
Sure enough, he flings his arm out and light brown liquid (must have used creamer) sailed out in an arc.
What he didn't take into account was the fact that we were driving up the road at 50mph. And karma took over from there. Sweet, glorious karma has a sense of humor.
The arc of coffee (with creamer) turned like a boomerang and flew right back into the minivan's open window -- drenching the hot-head with his own stupidity and spraying the inside of his minivan with coffee.
I didn't stop laughing until I got home.
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Comments:
edunn (May 8, 2008. 02:10am)
I love it!
peahayes (May 8, 2008. 03:46am)
Hilarious! If you can ever find this bumper sticker, it might give guys like him pause: "If you tailgate me, I'll flick a booger on your windshield."
Bazookah 5 (May 8, 2008. 01:48pm)
Hihi Good for him