Cockroaches Are Pussies − 8 May, 2008
I've been reading a lot lately about the coming "end of the world." This, apparently, will take place in 2012. Why 2012? Depending on what you read, it could be any number of reasons: global warming, shifting of the earth's crust, asteroid hit, crack in the earth's magnetosphere, alien invasion... the list gets longer and stranger.
From my understanding, the year 2012 being designated as the end of the world comes from the Mayan calendar. The current cycle of the Mayan calendar "stops" in the year 2012. The calendar then "recycles," much like our Gregorian calendars do at the end of a year. So, essentially, the Maya's "end of a cycle" somehow turned into "the end of the world." (Though, I have to say that some historian believe the end of this current cycle may have signified to the Mayans a transition from one world to the next.)
It does give pause for thought, however. With everything going on in the world right now, well, shit happens. What if global warming got nasty? What if an asteroid hit? What if Skynet took over and wiped us all out?
What would be left? What life would remain, thrive, and continue on?
Ask that question of any ten people, and I'm willing to bet all ten say "cockroaches." Dirty, nasty, fucking cockroaches.
I don't think so. Come on, wussy little fruit flies are more resistant to radiation than cockroaches. What self-respecting survivor could be bested by a fucking fruit fly? Yeah, I thought so.
No, cockroaches will not inherit the earth.
So, what will survive? Humans? Oh, there will probably be few of us clinging to life in the bowels of the earth. But what creature will reign supreme?
The horseshoe crab. I shit you not. There are two main reasons why:
Plus, just look at them! Damn things could probably survive a direct hit from damn-near anything. Not to mention the uncanny resemblance to face-grabbers from the Alien movies.
There you have it. One day, apparently around the year 2012, the earth will come to be ruled by the horseshoe crab.
I, for one, welcome our new horseshoe crab overlords.
Got to be better than the cockroaches we have in charge now...
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Note: If the tag for this story has you scratching your head, read the comments on this story.
From my understanding, the year 2012 being designated as the end of the world comes from the Mayan calendar. The current cycle of the Mayan calendar "stops" in the year 2012. The calendar then "recycles," much like our Gregorian calendars do at the end of a year. So, essentially, the Maya's "end of a cycle" somehow turned into "the end of the world." (Though, I have to say that some historian believe the end of this current cycle may have signified to the Mayans a transition from one world to the next.)
It does give pause for thought, however. With everything going on in the world right now, well, shit happens. What if global warming got nasty? What if an asteroid hit? What if Skynet took over and wiped us all out?
What would be left? What life would remain, thrive, and continue on?
Ask that question of any ten people, and I'm willing to bet all ten say "cockroaches." Dirty, nasty, fucking cockroaches.
I don't think so. Come on, wussy little fruit flies are more resistant to radiation than cockroaches. What self-respecting survivor could be bested by a fucking fruit fly? Yeah, I thought so.
No, cockroaches will not inherit the earth.
So, what will survive? Humans? Oh, there will probably be few of us clinging to life in the bowels of the earth. But what creature will reign supreme?
The horseshoe crab. I shit you not. There are two main reasons why:
- Horseshoe crabs have changed very little in the past 350 to 500 million years. This indicates to me that they have achieved the pinnacle of evolution.
- Horseshoe crabs posses the ability to regrow limbs. Chop off a leg, and they just grow another one. Come on, not even fictional Superman could pull that off.
Plus, just look at them! Damn things could probably survive a direct hit from damn-near anything. Not to mention the uncanny resemblance to face-grabbers from the Alien movies.
There you have it. One day, apparently around the year 2012, the earth will come to be ruled by the horseshoe crab.
I, for one, welcome our new horseshoe crab overlords.
Got to be better than the cockroaches we have in charge now...
--------------------
Note: If the tag for this story has you scratching your head, read the comments on this story.
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Comments:
peahayes (May 8, 2008. 03:39am)
Awesome, dude! I had just about forgotten this challenge! I see you've done your homework.
intrepideddie (May 8, 2008. 03:49am)
I gotta say, they're fun for an occasional mental break from my other stories. This one was like the first one: it fit right into stuff I was already involved in -- in this case all the 2012 literature. Ok, I did have to shoe-horn it a little so it would fit...
peahayes (May 8, 2008. 04:44am)
It's funny but the first thing I thought of when I saw "2012" was Rush's album "2112". I was obsessed with it when I was in high school.
PandoraBox (May 8, 2008. 01:29pm)
Gingko bilobas will survive. They survived Hiroshima.
peahayes (May 8, 2008. 01:50pm)
My friend Michael's reaction (he's the one about whom I had the dream, and was present for the horseshoe crab comment): "OMG fabulous! I do not know where he got that tidbit of information about horseshoe crabs being able to regrow limbs, but it's neat. If it's accurate that's outright disturbing.
The Horseshoe crab is your friend."
intrepideddie (May 9, 2008. 02:49am)
There is a shocking number of websites out there dedicated to all things horseshoe crab. (See? The internet is already siding with our new masters!) The regrowing limbs ability is true. Damn, wouldn't that be cool? Then when you "give someone the finger," you could *really* give them the finger!