How Eddie Plants a Tree − 12 May, 2008

The tree in our front yard didn't survive the winter. Not that it was particularly healthy to begin with. In fact, last summer we received a nasty-gram from our HOA telling us to remove the dead tree from our yard. This was part of the letter I sent back to them:

"On July 6, 2007, we received your Courtesy Notice regarding the "dead tree in front yard." This letter is to inform you that the rumors of the tree's death have been greatly exaggerated. The tree, in fact, is clinging desperately to life, as it has been since it was planted prior to us closing on the house in 2005. We have tried repeatedly to get the builder to remove the tree and plant a healthier one, but our efforts have thus far been unsuccessful. Again, the tree is not dead. If you wish us to euthanize the tree, then we expect you (the HOA) to provide us with a replacement tree at no cost to us. Please inform us of your decision."

We never heard back from them. Surprise, surprise.

As I said, the tree finally died, and we bought an Austree to replace it with. An Austree is some sort of hybrid tree that grows like a fucking weed. The new tree came a few days ago and has been soaking in a bucket of water; today it was ready for planting.

First things first, I had to take out the dead tree. My wife was working on a project, so I had the kids until they went to bed. It was 8:30pm when I grabbed the shovel and headed to the front yard; which wasn't bad, I still had an hour of daylight to work with.

It wasn't long after the digging started that the cussing commenced. Digging the hole, chopping at roots, prying at the root ball, pushing and pulling the tree... The string of expletives kept getting longer and more inventive. After the crap I went through at work last week, it was actually quite cathartic.

I must have been a bit more enthusiastic with the cussing than I thought. I noticed porch lights coming on and faces peeking out windows. One neighbor actually came outside and stood by my mailbox to watch. The guy didn't offer to help and never said a word. Sorta freaked me out a little bit. But, I figured if everyone is looking for a show, I'd give them one. (I think I'm becoming the neighborhood source for entertainment.)

Forty-five minutes of digging, chopping, pushing, pulling, and cussing later... I got the fucker out of the ground. Hoisting it up over my head, I let out a primal howl of victory, then heaved it into the back yard to chop up later.

As I walked around the garage to get the new tree, I swear I heard someone shout, "Ha! You owe me twenty bucks again!"