Sadness  − 16 May, 2008

What if I messed up my life and I don’t get another chance ?

What if I didn’t mess up but nothing else happens ?

What if I didn’t mess up and I don’t see things when they happen and I really mess up ?

What if I never feel « enough », ever.

She was so afraid of having this boring life forever. Getting up each morning to feed the cats and the fishes. Then eating whatever was in the fridge. Getting to work by this long bus ride, leaving her seat for an old woman. Working unappreciated by her workplace and her colleagues. Getting back home, an half-hour wait for the bus. No time for a class, no time to go out.

She thought that meeting the One would start her life. Instead of going out, taking classes, going to the gym, she just sat in front of the computer every night, hoping that someone, anyone would get online and chat with her. She even subscribed to Those Websites. She did meet some men through the site. But instead of being a realist and seeing things as they were (going nowhere) she just kept hoping that these men would come back after having had sex with her (on the first night).

So she never met this One she so desired. Instead she gave money to her ex, bailing him out every time he needed it, saving her weekends for him even when he had a girlfriend. Then she was mad at him for choosing his girlfriend over her.

It looked like a dog chasing his own tail, turning round and round, the rest of the world a blur.

As Einstein said, don’t expect a different result by doing the same thing ove rand over again.