Scared Shitless  − 19 May, 2008

Here I am again paralyzed with fear over this gastrointestinal problem.  I have a stomach ache today.  I've been getting more of them lately.  It could be nothing, but until I see a specialist, I'm not going to know.  I'm terrified of cancer, even though that's probably not what it is.  I am too scared to work right now.  I am waiting for a nurse to call me back so I can get some advice.

I sat through a dental cleaning while I stewed about this, getting more and more worried while the hygienest nattered on about the most mundane details of her life.  I could care less.  It was like the way Charlie Brown hears adults speaking - "Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah".  My own thoughts were drowning her out.

Thank goodness for my husband. Without someone to talk to about this, it would be fucking terrifying.  It's terrifying anyhow, but at least I don't feel alone.  He suggested that I do the same things I was thinking of doing -- call the specialist for advice; if no advice, call my PCP for advice.  Follow their advice.  I had also been thinking about going to the E.R., but it makes sense to do a little research first.

The appointment is 10 days away.  Hopefully I can find some way to stop worrying about this.  The nurse told me that despite the fact that I am on the call-if-cancellation list at the specialist, I should not count on them calling, and should call every morning at 8 am to see for myself. 

That makes me really angry.  Why tell patients that there's a cancellation list if it's broken??  This is one of the finest medical centers in the country.

Comments:

petulantfem (May 19, 2008. 07:22pm)

Wow pea, I'm thinking of you. 10 days is a long time to have to wait for news. I'm glad that you have a supportive husband with you.

peahayes (May 19, 2008. 08:34pm)

Thanks! I got a call back from the nurse, and don't laugh, but she suggested Tums or Rolaids!?!!?! I guess that means she wasn't worried.

peahayes (May 19, 2008. 09:45pm)

Oh, yeah, the other prescription was bland food. We just made a killer batch of pesto last night! But I would give up pesto forever if it meant I never again had to feel the fear that I felt today.

metalpower (May 19, 2008. 11:25pm)

I know what you’re speaking. I have trouble since 30 years. I hope they can find your trouble source.

intrepideddie (May 20, 2008. 01:02am)

Reminds me of when we lived in northern England -- if you needed an MRI done, you got put on a 12-month waiting list. Hope you start feeling better before your appointment!

peahayes (May 20, 2008. 01:03am)

There's some duct tape for you in my new story, Eddie.

peahayes (May 20, 2008. 02:00am)

I hadn't mentioned any of this to my parents, but I finally emailed my dad. I just got a call from my mom ordering me to stop worrying! Hopefully I will be an obedient daughter.

peahayes (May 21, 2008. 02:09am)

I forgot to call this morning.