I have a date !!!  − 21 May, 2008

Having a date is not out of the ordinary for me, I have those once in a while. What makes me so giddy is that I have thought about this guy for a long time ! And it's reciprocal !! THAT is quite out of the ordinary.

It's a guy I met a couple of years back at work but we never worked together. It was instantaneously high voltage. I mean we couldn't see each other without sparring. Irony, sarcasm, on the defensive...

Eventually I saw that this wasn't the way I should act, it was mean and came out of nowhere. I'm not like that normally. I felt bad. He didn't deserve this. Every time I saw him I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I loved his eyes or ask questions about chess playing or his readings.

Last time I saw him he said "You are nice now" and it caught me off guard. I felt even more ashamed and I wanted to say how sorry I was but I never know when he's gonna be there and he's gone so quickly that I don't have the chance to upload my brain...every time things get kind of white and I am speechless. I thought about it so much !

I finally asked his email address to one of his friends (that's how I know he plays chess) and I wrote my excuse note. Waiting would have been painful if it wasn't that I felt I could expect nothing in return. It was like a bottle in the sea.

He did respond saying it was his fault and he acted and reacted like that because he couldn't bring himself to say how he admired me and found me beautiful. Ungh. As I read, my face went red and my heart just beat so loudly.

Good thing with emails...I could write something without losing my cool. So I said that I am very attracted by him and I think that's why I acted that way. It was a defense mecanism. I did have expections that he would write back and it was very painful. I checked my emails at least 20 times yesterday. I decided I wouldn't check them from home. Enough !

He did answer and I was very excited to read that when he comes back from Ontario (he's there for his job) he wants to see me for dinner ! Of course I said yes.

In a week's time a lot of things can happen but I would like to remain optimistic about this, open-minded, one day at a time (hour or minute even).

Comments:

edunn (May 21, 2008. 07:17pm)

I can't wait to hear how the date goes!

peahayes (May 22, 2008. 12:10am)

This reminds me of how, when we were little girls and boys picked on us, adults would tell us it was because the boys liked us. I always thought that was a big fat lie, but maybe it's true! You were just "picking" on him because you liked him, and maybe vice versa.

PandoraBox (May 22, 2008. 04:43pm)

This morning, he promised he would be there although he might be late. We meet around 7:15. He will come from the airport. I take it as a good sign that he wants to meet me as soon as he arrives in Montreal.
I think it's true that picking on someone shows affection. I got some boyfriends that way. :)