ManFasting − 16 June, 2008

I have been manfasting for more than a year now. I always say it's more than a year. But it's been a year and 3 months. It feels like forever.

I have dated. But it amounted at nothing. I kiss less and less on dates (not at all even) since experience has taught me that no twit is worthy of stopping my manfasting. So I'm waiting to meet the one that will be worth my affections.

It hasn't even been difficult. Although I have always been with someone since the age of 16, I find that it isn't as scary as I thought to be alone. It isn't the end of the world not to have sex, kiss or touch. I have sex in my dreams at night. It really is not the hot wet dreams you might think it would be after so many months of celibacy. I dream of wanting to do it and being incapable of it, the penetration is impossible or I wake up just before things get really hot.

I am not even missing it. Usually after a period I would be ready to pounce on innocent by-standers. But this year and three months have been really easy, calm, boring. Maybe it's because no one has interested me enough. I haven't found anyone sexy, desirable, exciting enough for me to let it all go. They're either too old, too judgemental, too stupid, not caring enough, not safe enough...

I find it easy to plan a solitary vacation, to spend time with other singles and going there alone, to go to restaurants and cafe alone.

I am lonely at times. But when I go to bed at night, I am so grateful not to have to have sex with someone, to share my bed (I have barely, since a few months, started to take up a maximum of bed space) with someone and when I wake up in the morning I am so grateful not to have to make pointless conversation, not to have to rush to the bathroom to wipe dried up drool off my face and brush my teeth BEFORE kissing or share my shower time with anyone (it's a constant battle for me, my time is planned so that in an hour I have time to take my shower, dress, eat and make lunch and drink my coffee without burning myself. So I'm not eager to wake up earlier to allow someone else in that routine).

I guess that until I find someone interesting enough, hot enough, safe enough, intriguing enough...someone that will still be a mystery after three dates, that will be challenging intellectually and attractive enough physically...I gues that the ManFasting will be easier to end.