The “Vanity” Poop − 4 July, 2008

And just what is a vanity poop, you ask? It’s a poop that a dog doesn’t need to take, but that it wants to take, perhaps to leave its mark. What does that have to do with vanity? Who knows! It’s just a term I thought of while walking my dog and contemplating having to carry a bag of poop for several miles.

I’m cool when the dog wants to poop at the trailhead. That’s easy to pick up. But carrying poop for miles just isn’t my cup of tea, especially with carpal tunnel syndrome.

I can tell when the vanity poop is coming. The tail is raised, and the normally white-ish anus swells and turns pink. Am I grossing you out? Sorry! Owning a dog, or for that matter, a cat, means there’s gross stuff sometimes.

I have found that the easiest way to prevent the vanity poop is to leash the dog. She thinks long and hard before she’ll poop on leash. This leaves me free to watch the scenery, rather than gazing at her anus while I hike. Seems reasonable to me.

I would prefer to leave her off leash. However, being a city dweller, I am conditioned to “stoop ‘n scoop”.

If you ever feel inclined to take a vanity poop yourself, watch out! Someone might just slap a leash around your neck!