Anger Management  − 25 July, 2008

I’ve been thinking that I might benefit from some anger management training.  I’ve had a lot to be angry about lately.  I did something last night that seemed to work, at least on a hike.

I had been hiking for about a half an hour.  I couldn’t shake my anger.  My mind was just going around and around.  Nothing productive was coming from it. I really wanted to relax.

I came to a part of the forest that I especially revere. I determined that this part of the forest would be an “Anger-Free Zone”. I could not go into it unless I let go of my anger.  To help, and yes, this will sound very New Agey, I picked up a stick and imparted all of my anger into it.

Then I laid it on the ground, and whispered my fervent urge that I not be angry in this part of the forest.  I proceeded, and did not feel angry.  I talked to myself about being calm, peaceful, relaxed, and many other emotions that are positive.  

I caught myself thinking about things that would make me angry, but I short-circuited the process by talking myself out of it.  I began to think about being like a tree: tall, strong, and silent.  I reminded myself over and over to be that tree.

Once or twice more, I caught myself headed in the direction of anger, but I quickly short-circuited it again with thoughts about not being angry.  My mantra of being the tree – tall, strong and silent – tamed me of my anger.  The remainder of my walk in that part of the forest was peaceful.

When I approached the edge of that forest, I thought about the stick into which I’d imparted my anger.  I didn’t believe that my anger was in the stick.  The stick was just a symbol – a device to help bootstrap me to a better place.  What had really worked was the hard work of driving angry thoughts from of my brain.  

Nevertheless, when I came to the stick, I picked it up, held it for a little while, and put it down.

What I had done was to interfere with the constant monologue we all carry within us.  By replacing the angry monologue with a positive monologue, I had driven the anger away. I had discovered a powerful tool – I simply needed to work harder at not being angry!  

This doesn’t mean that every time I get angry, I am going to drive the anger away.  This is a tool for me to use when the angry feelings have gone beyond the productive and into the realm of sheer noise.  It is a tool for when I need a break from that internal chatter, when I just want to relax.

I will use this technique again in the forest.  The question is whether I can find a way to use it at work and at home.  THAT would be truly valuable.