Mardis Sangre − 11 September, 2001
It was a Tuesday.
I can remember the sounds of that day more than anything else. I remember waking up earlier than usual to get to work to finish editing a video I was putting together for the CTIA conference heer in San Diego. It was supposed to be the centerpiece to a big booth all of the San Diego wireless companies we a part of. 20 minutes of gooey corporate crap about how on top of the wireless world San Diego is. That much may be true - this is a great place for telecom busines in general - it just seems so worthless an endeavor in light of the days events. I could hardly know that at the time I was getting on to the 805 to take the 20-minute commute to my job that morning though.
I'm just getting on to the 805 at about 6AM and I have NPR on as usual. There's a segment on about Social Security and the Baby Boomers and how we're basically bankrupting Social Security and nobody has a plan, least of the Bush Administration. I can remember thinking of a social studies teach I had in middle school who warned us about that. I can also remember a guy guest speaking in one of my high school classes about public policy and he had the same lament. Anyway, I was thinking about old times, cursing the president - two of my favorite endeavors - and then the segment is interrupted and it's not good.
In times like these you notice when things are breaking out of routine more than anything. What makes you nervous is not the fact that there's bad news. Bad news I can handle. I hear it every day. Bad news that directly affects me as well. What makes me nervous is when I can't count on my routine. For better or for worse, at that time in my life, I had a routine that I came to depend upon. I woke up, I showered, shaved, got dressed, drove to work, got some coffee along the way, and worked. I drove home. I ate dinner with my wife. I did some more work at night. Not fun. But comfortable.
So NPR has a breaking news story and I'm thinking to myself, "Oh shit, this can't be good." At this time, the stock market was doing terrible and I'd always thought that we'd have a Black Monday on our hands before we had anything remotely like Bloody Tuesday.
Well the news that broke is by now legendary. The confusion. The false reports. The constant imagery and unbelievable sights from that day will be something none of us forgets.
I get keep driving to work not knowing what else to do. I think I called my ex-wife to tell her to wake up and turn on the TV. For some reason I thought she should see it live and not sleep through the news. We're on the West Coast so many people were not yet awake when the news broke. I get to my exit and go to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. Again, it's my routine. I have to. It makes me comfortable. I haven't even ordered my coffee and I sense that the mood of the place has already been downed. "These people know," I thought to myself. "If they know, why are they playing Bob Marley and not tuning into the news? Don't they want to bear witness to this? I know it's tragic, but it's history."
"Have you heard the news?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Don't you want to turn on the radio?"
"Why? It's only going to depress us."
So I ordered my coffee and went to work. I got in early as usual. Turned on the lights and turned off the alarm. CTIA was a day away and it would be a full day of work for me, so I was anxious to get to my computer and just plug away on the movie. I had no perspective that CTIA might be affected by today's events. I wasn't thinking rationally, I was just not able to get out of my everyday routine.
Throughout the AM I too made an effort to stay away from the news partly because I knew it would depress me too. And partly because I knew that I wouldn't get any work done otherwise.
Gradually that day people did come to work, but everyone spent their day huddled around a small color TV that was brought into the conference room and plugged into a cable. As colleagues the company was not that warm on each other. We were all friendly, but I didn't get a sense there that I was making the kinds of friends I'd stay in touch with when I left for greener pastures, whenever that might be. Still, though, we shared tears and I can remember thinking to myself well into the afternoon, why am I working so hard on this stupid video?
I finished the video by nightfall. I drove home and only then did I park myself in front of the TV to let the details all wash over me. I didn't cry though. I was just in shock. My Ex has spend the whole day alone in front of the TV crying. She had no more tears. So we just sat, exasperated, silently shaking our heads.
